Tag Archive - twitter

10. never worry about the number of followers you have. [twenty truths]

July 17, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 1 Comment

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [10] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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Last post, we talked about not worrying how cool your life looks to your followers.

Similarly, never ever ever worry about the number of followers you have.

 

I’ve heard it said that our credibility nowadays is based largely on the size of our following. So people are buying Twitter followers and “likes” on Facebook, and we are all incredibly concerned about our credibility, our image, our appearance.

But isn’t it all just a facade?

It feels never-ending. Who is ever completely satisfied, if we are always just trying to gain more people following, more people liking, more people watching? We are constantly looking outward instead of inward. We are finding identity and purpose in the number of people who are curious about our identity and purpose.

It should never matter how many people want to see what you’re writing or thinking or hash-tagging. You should be less concerned with how many people want to follow your every move, and more concerned that they are finding their true selves and learning how to fit into their space in the universe. The loneliest place to be sometimes is belly-up under 4,000 followers because you realize you are still completely alone.

And loneliness is almost always indicative of something else, and it constantly manifests itself in toxic behaviors. So we must stop looking outward, and start first with our insides. Address the issues of your heart first, with the people you have a tactile relationship with. The kind of relationship where you can make eye contact and tell one another that there’s broccoli in your teeth. Enjoy moments, deepen relationships, eat cold ice cream on a hot June day with a friend you haven’t talked to since awkward bangs and boy bands. Spend the money to fly across the country to feel ‘at home again’, and don’t worry about tweeting about it. It doesn’t matter how many people find you interesting; if you don’t find you interesting then there is still a lot of work to do.

8. just because your life isn’t cool on Instagram, doesn’t mean it isn’t cool. [twenty truths]

July 15, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 5 Comments

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [8] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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Just because your life isn’t cool on Instagram or Twitter, it does not mean that it isn’t cool.

There is a huge difference between living a full and adventurous life, and telling everyone about your full and adventurous life. Our twenty-something culture has given us some very creative mediums to tell everyone about our full and adventurous lives. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never claimed to be a ‘photog.’ I would never put it in my bio, I won’t ever offer to give someone high quality portraits, because that just isn’t my gift. But Instagram has this ability to make me feel like I am meeting the world’s deep need to see everything about my life.

Now, some people have an eye for photography and enough time in their day to take #nofilter pictures of their every move. They get tons of followers and double taps, and it makes their life seem so incredibly awesome because everyone can see how incredibly awesome it is. They make my portfolio look like a disposable camera’s product. In the perfect black & white picture, they have conquered my confidence in the visual portrayal of my own life. And I proceed to believe my life isn’t cool, because I didn’t use that filter on my martini picture, or get enough likes on the candid one of my puppy.

Or, the Twitter cool kids with their six-figure-amount-of-followers, who give the most hilarious synopsis of their day in 140 characters. I need to beat them, I need to be wittier than them, I need to hashtag like them. Or I need as many people to care about my thoughts as they have caring about theirs. I need everyone in the world to know my hilarious or thought-provoking or life-changing sentences. And when I don’t beat them, I proceed to believe my life isn’t cool.

But your life is not measured by likes or retweets or picture quality; your life is measured by breadth and depth and joy and love. I can’t tell you how many times I have admired a friend’s life from afar (and by ‘afar’, I mean ‘frequent drive-by’s on Facebook’) and then later found out that her marriage is actually at a really low place right now, or he got fired from his job, or those two have completely lost touch with their identity. We can make our lives look phenomenal — that’s the best-kept secret of 2012. We can play the part of anyone — and yet be completely empty in and of ourselves.

So put down your smartphone, and let it be. Stop caring about her endless list of comments, or the fact that he always eats at trendy cafes; focus on the people in your life who make up for all the pictures you can’t take fast enough. They deserve your attention more than any timeline does. And if you’ve chosen well, they likely base their friendship with you off things far more important than pictures and tweets.

a twitter inspired opinion on [dating].

October 15, 2011 in comedic relief, dating with 1 Comment

originally published on the well written women.

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I get a lot of emails from women who ask me my personal stance on dating relationships; when they are appropriate, how to decide if you’re ready, when to know it’s time to leave one. These women are all across the board on the subject: some have dated for years, some have never dated anyone. Some are very picky about who they date, some only require that the men posses the Y chromosome and a set of car keys. Some think it’s boring, and some treat Date Numero Uno as grounds for the marriage talk. #desperate

 

I started dating – if you can even call it that – at 15. It was more like holding hands and publicly admitting that we liked each other. I think dating should require dates, and we didn’t have very many of those. #burn

 

So we dated for a few years, blah blah blah, he broke my heart, angst angst angst, it took me awhile to get over it, blah blah blah. Then I dated some more, and some were fun and some were kind of jerks. Then I stopped dating for a long time. And currently I have a super great boyfriend. So I now I have an opinion on dating.

 

So here is my completely biased, 100% unscientific, based-on-a-true-story opinion about dating:

 

Dating should be taught. My parents never really had a dating policy for me. Or if they did, I conveniently do not remember it. When I was 15 I liked a boy who was not allowed to have a girlfriend until he was 16 and I was crushed. There were also girls in my friend group who could not date boys until they turned 18.

 

I did not have these rules. I was grateful for the freedom, because I was incredibly charming and good looking when I was a teenager, and it would have been exhausting beating off all of those boys with a stick. #waitnothatsnottrue

 

I don’t know if it should necessarily be rules like that, because I think that’s a little much. But I do think there should be an important conversation that happens at some point. It should be honest, open, and have some time for Q & A. It should be a parent’s clear explanation of what it takes to be a boyfriend or a girlfriend. It should include information on what this type of commitment can do to one’s heart. It should absolutely not include any anecdotal stories with Mom and Dad as the examples. No child needs those visuals.

 

Dating, at any age, awakens emotions that are not yet known. This is true no matter if you are 15 or 34. All of the sudden you are calling someone for hourly check-ins, using words like “babe” or “sweet thang”, and simultaneously baking cookies, watching The Notebook and listening to love songs. #oristhisjustme?

 

It comes out of nowhere, but at some point between “who’s that guy?” and “happy one month-a-versary!” you enter into an uncharted land called Emotion. And it is a jungle. Your heart gets racy, your palms get sweaty, and your mind gets cluttered with daydreams. It’s hard to sleep, drink, or sit without thinking about love. You have Skype sessions from 45 minutes away (#guilty) and text each other while in the same room (#invtentedthistrick). You kind of turn into a basketcase.

 

Most importantly, and more seriously, you begin to tap into a part of your brain that experiences pleasure. There really aren’t enough words in English to describe human love. It is so pleasurable that it actually hurts. And truthfully, the good parts of love come with many consequences. Being in a committed relationship really evokes the desire to put someone else before everything else in your life, and this can be dangerous if it happens too early in life. Anyone entering into a loving relationship should be prepared.

 

(Let the record show that I realize no one can be fully prepared to handle being in a relationship. I also realize that not everyone handles relationships as dramatically as The Basketcase Formerly Known As Rachel.)

 

Being too hurt, too damaged, too scarred, too afraid, too ___________, to date is a horrible way to live. I think we can all agree that fear shouldn’t be the cruise director for anyone’s life. To operate on fear alone is about as smart as building a house on top of a termite colony; it’s only a matter of time before it completely falls down.

 

Don’t get me wrong; I support the idea of needing someone to prove themself worthy of being let into your heart. There’s something to be said about finding a man to prove that the other ones were crazy to say goodbye to you. But this is taken a little too far a little too often. We’ve all seen Twilight; there is no need to be closed off just for the sake of being dramatically difficult. There’s also no need to make So. Many. Freaking. Vampire. Movies.  #whydoeshekeeptakinghisshirtoff

 

It is important to have standards. When I was 12, the leader of my girl’s group asked us all to make a “shopping list” for our future boyfriends. She told us to never date anyone if they did not possess all of these qualities. I wrote things down like “blue eyes” and “a love for Mexican food.”

 

I think this exercise is crap.

 

Of course you are going to be attracted to someone with similar interests as you, but a common love for chicken enchiladas does not a relationship make. Relationships take hard work and compromise based on common values and  goals.

 

Maybe he will hate chicken enchiladas. But he will learn the beautiful art of sacrifice so that he can please his lady.

 

Maybe she will never understand the ins and outs of baseball, but she will still watch every game because she knows he loves to teach her. #isithalftimeyet?

 

 

No one gets to determine your expectations from a relationship except you. I don’t know how so many millions of people have sold books or TV shows all about love and relationships, when they all say the same thing: “Talk it out, learn from it, put the toilet seat down, and don’t let anyone else tell you what you need out of your relationship.” Only you can prevent forest fires, and only you can know what it is you need out of a significant other. Don’t let Dr. Phil or Us Weekly tell you who to date or what to expect from a spouse. Discover these things on your own. Learn what you need and be confident of that.

 

 

Don’t date just to date. If you meet someone and they intrigue you, go out with them. Explore the possibility. I think it’s worth it to at least try. But don’t live your life desperate for a significant other because you are already “significant” without an “other.” If you make a shopping list and set out to force love into your life, chances are you will end up elbow deep in a bag of Doritos while you rewind the “You complete me” scene from Jerry Maguire. #ithappensmorethanyouknow

 

Let love find you. I promise it’s better that way.

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If you liked my original Twitter hashtags or my dating rambles and want more of that, please follow me!