Tag Archive - redemption

being uncertain does not make you weak. [twenty truths]

July 21, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 1 Comment

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [14] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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Being uncertain does not make you weak.

 

 

It means you know the gravity of your decisions, and you have learned the result of making bad ones. Life, as you will realize, is a series of choices. Hundreds of opportunities approach us every single day and we are constantly making steps forward and backward, toward or away from who and where we want to be. It’s okay to feel the weight of this; we should be feeling it.

Too many twenty-somethings are still as frivolous as when they were 15, making jokes at other people’s expense, spending money like crazy, and choosing blue eye shadow. We know now that choosing a job or a credit card or a relationship might affect a big chunk of your life, and might have emotional repercussions. And usually the worst decisions are made because we feel pressured to just choose SOMETHING, so we choose the first thing that comes along. We are scared of the uncertain feeling, and it makes us feel like we aren’t doing something right.

Friends, be brave with your choices. Live in the questions for as long as you feel uncertain. Explore the corners of your heart that are scared, or worried. Let yourself feel the breadth of all of those emotions, so that when you finally make a choice you will step confidently, without fear. It may take you longer to choose than some of your friends, and that is okay. You are fully able to see the forest through the trees, and you know what it takes to make it out in one piece.

It’s not that you don’t know what it takes to be an adult; it’s that you do. Congratulations; you’ve arrived.

10. never worry about the number of followers you have. [twenty truths]

July 17, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 1 Comment

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [10] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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Last post, we talked about not worrying how cool your life looks to your followers.

Similarly, never ever ever worry about the number of followers you have.

 

I’ve heard it said that our credibility nowadays is based largely on the size of our following. So people are buying Twitter followers and “likes” on Facebook, and we are all incredibly concerned about our credibility, our image, our appearance.

But isn’t it all just a facade?

It feels never-ending. Who is ever completely satisfied, if we are always just trying to gain more people following, more people liking, more people watching? We are constantly looking outward instead of inward. We are finding identity and purpose in the number of people who are curious about our identity and purpose.

It should never matter how many people want to see what you’re writing or thinking or hash-tagging. You should be less concerned with how many people want to follow your every move, and more concerned that they are finding their true selves and learning how to fit into their space in the universe. The loneliest place to be sometimes is belly-up under 4,000 followers because you realize you are still completely alone.

And loneliness is almost always indicative of something else, and it constantly manifests itself in toxic behaviors. So we must stop looking outward, and start first with our insides. Address the issues of your heart first, with the people you have a tactile relationship with. The kind of relationship where you can make eye contact and tell one another that there’s broccoli in your teeth. Enjoy moments, deepen relationships, eat cold ice cream on a hot June day with a friend you haven’t talked to since awkward bangs and boy bands. Spend the money to fly across the country to feel ‘at home again’, and don’t worry about tweeting about it. It doesn’t matter how many people find you interesting; if you don’t find you interesting then there is still a lot of work to do.

2. embrace the in-between feeling. [twenty truths]

July 9, 2012 in 20-something troubles, lessons learned, stories with 2 Comments

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [2] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned so far? <3 <3 <3

~~~

 

 

That “in between” feeling you have? It means you want something out of life. One day you will miss the time when you actually wanted something out of life.

 

There is wandering and there is floundering. There is taking a longer time to grow up, and choosing to stay a child. There is making sacrifices in order to achieve a dream, and there is settling for less than you thought you wanted.

There’s a smoothie and there’s juice.

A smoothie is juice + pulp and rind and skin. A smoothie contains things that are nourishing, but it is crowded with things that have no nutritional value. You get so filled with the extra stuff, that you miss out on the things that actually matter.

Juice is juice + nothing. Juice is the raw, pure, unadulterated nutritional goodness that your body needs to feel alive. There’s no extra weight in there; it’s 100% truth.

There is a vast difference between all of these things. And in that difference, in that in-between, lies a zest and zeal to squeeze all the value out of life, throwing away the pulp. You were designed to feel this awkward because it drives you to find life.

So, embrace the awkward. Keep tapping into you thirst for more, for different, for better. Drink the entirety of life, and don’t allow anything (or anyone!) to crowd the space you have designated for enjoyment. Don’t miss out the nutrition because of all the extra.

hindsight is bliss [what a girl needs to hear]

March 29, 2012 in dating, jesus, lessons learned with 2 Comments

today’s sweet post is a letter from Olivia. don’t we all wish we could read letters from our future selves at least once or twice? this is a precious, precious post. i hope it blesses you like it did me!  show Olivia some love. <3
~~~
[about the author] Olivia Erickson is a highschool-college hybrid who has extreme passion for many things, including mentoring junior high girls and good coffee. She writes, tweets, and tells visual stories. Someday, she will travel the country in a vintage trailer with a pet hedgehog in tow, in an attempt to find untold stories – but for now, she’s just trying to stay warm and sane during long Minnesotan winters.
~~~

Dear Little Liv,
You sat there with your feet dangling out your open window on a warm May night and you cried to yourself, wishing for a man to throw pebbles and sweep you off your feet. You were almost twelve. I wish that the one night could have been the only night you cried in your loneliness, but it wasn’t. There will be many more nights to come.
There will be nights of loneliness – of deep heart aches and longings for boys to notice you and for life just to hurry up so you can find a man. There will be nights of regret – of giving your heart slowly, over time to boys where you realize that things are suddenly complicated and you just lost a friend. There will be nights of deep pondering – of questioning intentions and feelings when you’re not sure if you like the attention or are terrified of it. There will be many tears, many racing thoughts, and many desperate prayers.
It sounds daunting, but there are also brilliant days ahead. There will be days of comfort – of realizing that the men in your life are a blessing. There will be days of confidence – of knowing that you did the right thing in a friendship with a boy and seeing the positive results. There will be days of laughter – of getting to be the little sister to the boys around and having their respect. There will be many brilliant days that will in time make up for the tearful nights.
At some point, you will sit with friends as they tell you with regret in their eyes their stories of boys that broke their hearts and you will be so glad that a relationship never formed with that boy that you were swooning over. At some point, you will hear shallow girls complain about how there are no good guys and you will be so thankful that you’ve been the type of girl that makes friend easily with really fantastic guys, even if that means not dating any of them. At some point, you will see not being allowed to date as the biggest blessing of your teen years.
It’s going to come. It’s going to be fulfilling. It’s going to blow you away. It’s going to be worth it. I promise you.
I have hindsight and what a marvelous thing it is! You wont be perfect and life wont be perfect. You are going to think that you are awful and just made the hugest mistake of your life, but in the end, you’re going to come out of junior high and the first three years of high school with very little boy baggage. There will be two amazing young men who will cause you to get angry because they will each accidentally steal a bit of your heart at the wrong time, but God heals that in the end and you’ll learn a plethora of lessons.
So hang in there. It’s only the beginning. Every single tear that you shed will be turned to gold and redeemed.
You will be strong. You will be loved. You will be satisfied.

promises to cling to. [what a girl needs to hear]

March 25, 2012 in bible verses, dating, jesus, lessons learned, stories with 1 Comment

today’s post comes from Whitney, and i have no words — it is simply beautiful. read it slowly, like a nap.
[about the author] “hi. my name’s whitney and i’m just an ordinary girl from the south. this is a little glimpse into what i’m learning while living life here in a broken world. life is messy, but i’m starting to see the beauty and purpose of the mess.”
whitney’s blog: www.livinginthemess.blogspot.com

whitney’s twitter: www.twitter.com/whitneyeburger
~~~
To a hurting little girl, screaming to be heard:

For all of those times you’ve cried yourself to sleep, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not reminding you that your Father’s love runs deeper and holds more security than any earthly kind of love. 

The love of a mother who loves alcohol more than you. She can help it- but it has a stronghold on her life that Satan gets much joy from. He also gets much joy from you, sweet girl, thinking that you aren’t valued- not even by your own mother. These are all lies. She DOES love you; unfortunately it is tainted by the alcohol, but the love IS there.

The love of a father whose words are empty. You are important, desired, and valued. No matter how often he will give you empty promises- don’t let the desire to be cared for eat away your sweet spirit inside. God, the Father, cares for you deeply. He has dreams for you. He loves to hear you laugh. He likes to see you dance in your recitals. He gets joy in hearing your stories at night. When you feel sick, He brings comfort and healing- opposed to laughing at you when you can’t control your upset stomach. I know that its painful to hear stories and see other little girls get wrapped up in their daddy’s arms- that you desire so badly to have a man fight for you. To protect you. To build you up. To tell you that you’re beautiful. In the midst of the hurt and pain of being let down- You’ve been missing the whispers of the only Father’s voice who can actually bring life to these desires.

The love of boys who have yet to become men. In Satan’s attempt to tell you that your own family doesn’t really love you… that other things are more important, you’ve sought the love and approval of anyone that might begin to fill that void. Forgetting to look up, you looked to the boys around you- desiring to be heard and cared for. These boys didn’t intentionally mean to hurt you; I think deep down they did care about you the best way they knew how. Unfortunately, even though they knew how to throw out the right phrases and comments leading you to believe they were striving to be Godly young men, Satan knew what could satisfy them more than a broken little girl who needed more than they could give. Satan won that fight one too many times. But listen carefully sweet sister, you had a choice to stand for more. To know your value and expect nothing less than a God fearing man who would win your heart and lead you to the throne. Instead, you somehow enjoyed this little game of needing these boys to need you- all for the wrong reasons. This is a path of destruction and God has more for you than this. So, this is when I step in and tell you- wipe your tears away, suck it up, and get back in there. This time, don’t be deceived by boys pretending to be men. You will know a man of God, not by his words but by his fruit and the words spoken of him by those in his life. God, your Father, has so much more in store for you than what you think you deserve. Allow Him to lead you there.

These people who are called your “family” by the world’s definition of family do NOT define who you will become. You have a huge calling on your life. To be something far greater than anything that you’ve ever been told you’ll become- you are a daughter of the one true God. You will carry his name to many other misinformed girls just like yourself. Make sure to never forget where you’ve come from, share it without shame- God is using it to transform others. To give them hope that they too, have hope in a much greater calling on their lives. That Jesus is so much sweeter than any earthly kind of love. That his blood puts all of that hurt you’ve been through into perspective- it’s ultimately not about you. Never ever forget the God you serve, and why you have the story that you do. It’s about the goodness of a savior who will always come through for his children, in his perfect time. 

I know there are still many more years of hurt and pain ahead of you, and believe me, it sucks. Your tender little heart can’t always handle it- but please please don’t let the bitterness take away your compassion and love for others. Chin up. You are a fighter like no other person I know. And if I can give you any glimpse of hope at all, it’s this: it’s so sweet to be right here standing in the very place that the Lord has carried me to. A place of peace. A place of understanding. It doesn’t all make sense why things went the way they did, but what does make sense is how God is going to use it for our future. It’s for His name’s sake.

Always remember to reflect Christ in the best way you know how, it’s the only thing that gets you through some of the worst years of your life so far.

Praying always, little one.

“Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.” As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips. The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” -Psalm 16

to the one who proved that you aren’t all the same.

February 14, 2012 in creative fiction, dating, jesus, lessons learned, my story with 12 Comments

It’s silly to me that the only words I want to say to you are “Thank you” because it is essentially me thanking you for your entire existence, something you are not necessarily responsible for. I want to thank you for your soul, your heart, your joy – the things which you did not create.

Truth be told, Bitter and Angst looked pretty good on me. I was really funny as an always-a-bridesmaid-never-a-bride kind of girl. The loneliness helped me create good music, good writing, and good art. Heartbreak gives way to so many words, and blank pages didn’t stand a chance against me. Yet I think I always knew, deep down, that you would show up somewhere.

But I followed in the footsteps of my foremothers, the scorned women who came before me, and I dismissed your entire gender. After what felt like the millionth break-up, I wrote one simple verse and then stopped writing for months:

“The first I lost to another love, the second is now a bust.
And every one after has proven still that none deserve my trust.”

And then I was done. I was done writing. I put the pen down and closed the journals. I was done listening to my heart because it had bad hearing, apparently. Every man was just a boy walking around in grown-up clothing, each with the same desire: to get in, get out, and get on with his life.

 

And then you bought me flowers.

And you waited three dates to kiss me.

And you complimented me with phrases like “life-giving” and “a treasure to be cherished” instead of objectifying comments about my physical appearance or capabilities.

And you have gently handed me your secrets and trusted me not to break the heart that comes with them.

I have been proven wrong. And I normally hate being proven wrong.

 

It’s not that I needed to believe in men again – I don’t think that’s the point. The point is that I believe in my own worth again. Your love has shown me my own worth.

I can’t help but giggle when I hear other people talking about love now. They have no clue what they are talking about and I really feel bad for them! There’s no way on earth anyone else feels what we do; it is perfect and imperfect, at the same time. I feel like we are the only ones to have ever been in love like this.

 

I love the way you love me because not only does it prove that not all men are evil, it also proves that good is all around.

I love the way you love me because it makes me feel brave, without abandoning my own sense of strength.

I love the way you love me because it makes me feel strong, without ever making me question my own resilience.

I love the way you love me because it shows me what love actually is, without dismissing my own ability to love.

I love the way you love me because it shows me how Jesus loves me, without distracting me from Him.

And now, once again, I have so much to write about…

 

Thank you for the chance to be proven wrong. I’ve never felt more alive.

 

Sincerely,

Me

indie ink parte uno.

August 3, 2011 in creative fiction, my story with 5 Comments

I’m cashing in my proverbial v-card for the Indie Ink challenge. If you want to join the fun, you can read all about it here.. Also, be sure to follow them on twitter @indieink. I was given a challenge by Jo Bryant, who blogs here. And I gave a challenge to Jamelah, who blogs here. Happy reading!

This was my challenge:

 

Every night when you sleep, he comes to you. He calls you to follow; you do, to a train station where the dead are waiting to board. He holds out his hand, you take it and board the train, going to…

 

And then I always wake up. Usually in a cold sweat, or sometimes in a disoriented haze. But I always wake up.

 

It seems significant. I listen for a man’s voice, and I follow it, which leads to dead people getting onto a train, and then I wake up right before I figure out where I’ll end up when all is said and done. In my mind’s eye, I can still see the pictures so vividly. Recurring dreams are like that, so they say. You go about your day as if your coffee didn’t taste different, or your walk to work didn’t seem longer, and then all of a sudden something will happen that triggers the memory and it all floods over you. And if you’re like me, you can’t focus on anything else until you figure it out.

 

But I never do.

 

I’ve tried piecing it together. I even saw a dream specialist, whatever that even means. Is that an actual trade? Or does she laugh wildly as she spends my $95 on cheap wine and red meat? But I digress. She told me that the fact that I listen to a man’s voice means that I’m submissive to men in my life. Wrong. I try to feign amazement. She also thought that the train station represented my previous life, which took place in the 1920s, and I rode a lot of trains. Wrong again. Previous life? Is she for real?  And the fact that I wake up before I get on the train means that I don’t know where I’m going after I die.

 

After I die.

 

I don’t question where I’ll go, that’s why this is so strange. Maybe I’m just eating too late in the day, and it is giving me some weird visions. I know where that train is going so why is it that my body keeps waking up before I see it? I want to know what it looks like, I want to figure out how it smells and lock into my mind the way the wind wisps while I stand at the front of it, whatever it is. I feel like if I could just taste a small piece of it, just have one concrete moment to hold onto, that maybe I would live my life in a way that didn’t question where I was going after I die.

 

Live my life in a way that didn’t question where I was going after I die.

 

I don’t live in a way that appears confident of that. Most days, I am a shell of a person who is confident of that. I think that’s why I always wake up – because I know somewhere deep in my heart that I don’t deserve a glimpse, not just yet. Each time I wake up, I have bittersweet jolts of motivation to live today, at least today, like I know where I’m going.

 

And then by noon, the world has crept in and nothing makes sense anymore, and the only thing in focus is this task, this bill, this annoying person on the other end of the phone who just Won’t. Shut. Up.

 

And I’ve ruined my second-trillionth chance to make today worth it.

 

The waking up is strangely my favorite part.  Even though my tally is way up there, it’s another chance every time. So I’ll take the recurring dreams, as long as I get the recurring wake-ups.

Because it feels like redemption over and over again.

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