Tag Archive - love

new new new. [<3]

October 20, 2012 in marriage, my story, stories with 0 Comments

my life has been going at full speed for the last two months, and i haven’t had much time to be on here. i also haven’t had much time to go to the gym, but i’d still like to avoid that for a little while.

so, what’s new?? :)

1. i got married! it’s still a crazy sentence to say out loud, and the words “husband” and “newlywed” still feel strange on my lips. but this is the best kind of strange, in my opinion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

it went by as fast as everyone said it would, and it was just as much fun as i could have ever hoped! i had an amazing week surrounded by all of my favorite people in the world, and it was such a humbling, refreshing, much-needed (but not at all deserved) time of pure blessing. we laughed, we cried (well, mainly Jared! ;) ), and we have stories to last us forever. i pray God was glorified, and i trust He’ll bring honor to His name even through the moments when i failed to do my part.

2. naturally, Jared moved in! i was reminded of a scene from Friends in the weeks approaching my wedding. you know where Monica is moving in with Chandler and they’ve planned it for awhile, and suddenly she realizes…”I have to live with a BOY!?” yeah…kind of like that. we packed up his belongings, along with all our NEW belongings (!!), and somehow managed to fit everything into our apartment. it took an entire weekend but this place is finally starting to feel like home. and waking up with your best friend just makes so much sense, and fills me in the deepest way.

3. work is better than ever. while i was depressed that we actually had to leave our all-inclusive five-star resort, i was definitely missing my students hard core. i’m so richly blessed to be surrounded by such energetic, enthusiastic, and downright hilarious people all the time. college kids are truly the most exciting people to work with; always changing, always learning, and always teaching me how to live young. i can’t imagine myself anywhere else for this season; part of me doesn’t want it to ever end.

4. but my heart is beginning to feel ready to move on. i will celebrate two years here on november first. two years in this job, with these great people, in this awkward state. it’s hard to believe how much has changed since i drove 700 miles in my nissan sentra with everything i owned and absolutely no plan in the world. i’ve thus far lived my life in semesters and sets of 6 months, so it’s a wonder i’ve lasted this long here. but i can feel a longing in my spirit for something different, and soon. i want to work a city, advocating women’s rights…or i want to work at starbucks and spend my free time writing a book…or i want to enroll in seminary to learn how to better love women in the name of Jesus. i want more, just like i always do. and now that i have a forever-partner-in-crime, we can’t wait to start on our long list of adventures! so a transition may be in my near future. and while i do enjoy those deep orange Texas sunsets, i’m excited for some prettier landscape.

5. i would like to formally thank whoever invented the crockpot. i feel as though i’ve become an amazing cook overnight, all because i’ve learned the secret of combing frozen chicken + at least 6 things in my pantry in order to eat the best meal of my life. and they just. keep. getting. better. Jared and i are absolutely loving our home-cooked-meals-and-leftovers lifestyle. lime cilantro shredded chicken tacos? no problem. cuban style pulled pork sandwiches? i could do it with my eyes closed.

 

so, there you are. five new things about my life. i’m excited to settle into my new routine, and to regain control of my creative outlet. i am already learning so much and i can’t wait to write it all out. because i tend to remember things i write out. :)

love to you all. xxo.

hindsight is bliss [what a girl needs to hear]

March 29, 2012 in dating, jesus, lessons learned with 2 Comments

today’s sweet post is a letter from Olivia. don’t we all wish we could read letters from our future selves at least once or twice? this is a precious, precious post. i hope it blesses you like it did me!  show Olivia some love. <3
~~~
[about the author] Olivia Erickson is a highschool-college hybrid who has extreme passion for many things, including mentoring junior high girls and good coffee. She writes, tweets, and tells visual stories. Someday, she will travel the country in a vintage trailer with a pet hedgehog in tow, in an attempt to find untold stories – but for now, she’s just trying to stay warm and sane during long Minnesotan winters.
~~~

Dear Little Liv,
You sat there with your feet dangling out your open window on a warm May night and you cried to yourself, wishing for a man to throw pebbles and sweep you off your feet. You were almost twelve. I wish that the one night could have been the only night you cried in your loneliness, but it wasn’t. There will be many more nights to come.
There will be nights of loneliness – of deep heart aches and longings for boys to notice you and for life just to hurry up so you can find a man. There will be nights of regret – of giving your heart slowly, over time to boys where you realize that things are suddenly complicated and you just lost a friend. There will be nights of deep pondering – of questioning intentions and feelings when you’re not sure if you like the attention or are terrified of it. There will be many tears, many racing thoughts, and many desperate prayers.
It sounds daunting, but there are also brilliant days ahead. There will be days of comfort – of realizing that the men in your life are a blessing. There will be days of confidence – of knowing that you did the right thing in a friendship with a boy and seeing the positive results. There will be days of laughter – of getting to be the little sister to the boys around and having their respect. There will be many brilliant days that will in time make up for the tearful nights.
At some point, you will sit with friends as they tell you with regret in their eyes their stories of boys that broke their hearts and you will be so glad that a relationship never formed with that boy that you were swooning over. At some point, you will hear shallow girls complain about how there are no good guys and you will be so thankful that you’ve been the type of girl that makes friend easily with really fantastic guys, even if that means not dating any of them. At some point, you will see not being allowed to date as the biggest blessing of your teen years.
It’s going to come. It’s going to be fulfilling. It’s going to blow you away. It’s going to be worth it. I promise you.
I have hindsight and what a marvelous thing it is! You wont be perfect and life wont be perfect. You are going to think that you are awful and just made the hugest mistake of your life, but in the end, you’re going to come out of junior high and the first three years of high school with very little boy baggage. There will be two amazing young men who will cause you to get angry because they will each accidentally steal a bit of your heart at the wrong time, but God heals that in the end and you’ll learn a plethora of lessons.
So hang in there. It’s only the beginning. Every single tear that you shed will be turned to gold and redeemed.
You will be strong. You will be loved. You will be satisfied.

promises to cling to. [what a girl needs to hear]

March 25, 2012 in bible verses, dating, jesus, lessons learned, stories with 1 Comment

today’s post comes from Whitney, and i have no words — it is simply beautiful. read it slowly, like a nap.
[about the author] “hi. my name’s whitney and i’m just an ordinary girl from the south. this is a little glimpse into what i’m learning while living life here in a broken world. life is messy, but i’m starting to see the beauty and purpose of the mess.”
whitney’s blog: www.livinginthemess.blogspot.com

whitney’s twitter: www.twitter.com/whitneyeburger
~~~
To a hurting little girl, screaming to be heard:

For all of those times you’ve cried yourself to sleep, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not reminding you that your Father’s love runs deeper and holds more security than any earthly kind of love. 

The love of a mother who loves alcohol more than you. She can help it- but it has a stronghold on her life that Satan gets much joy from. He also gets much joy from you, sweet girl, thinking that you aren’t valued- not even by your own mother. These are all lies. She DOES love you; unfortunately it is tainted by the alcohol, but the love IS there.

The love of a father whose words are empty. You are important, desired, and valued. No matter how often he will give you empty promises- don’t let the desire to be cared for eat away your sweet spirit inside. God, the Father, cares for you deeply. He has dreams for you. He loves to hear you laugh. He likes to see you dance in your recitals. He gets joy in hearing your stories at night. When you feel sick, He brings comfort and healing- opposed to laughing at you when you can’t control your upset stomach. I know that its painful to hear stories and see other little girls get wrapped up in their daddy’s arms- that you desire so badly to have a man fight for you. To protect you. To build you up. To tell you that you’re beautiful. In the midst of the hurt and pain of being let down- You’ve been missing the whispers of the only Father’s voice who can actually bring life to these desires.

The love of boys who have yet to become men. In Satan’s attempt to tell you that your own family doesn’t really love you… that other things are more important, you’ve sought the love and approval of anyone that might begin to fill that void. Forgetting to look up, you looked to the boys around you- desiring to be heard and cared for. These boys didn’t intentionally mean to hurt you; I think deep down they did care about you the best way they knew how. Unfortunately, even though they knew how to throw out the right phrases and comments leading you to believe they were striving to be Godly young men, Satan knew what could satisfy them more than a broken little girl who needed more than they could give. Satan won that fight one too many times. But listen carefully sweet sister, you had a choice to stand for more. To know your value and expect nothing less than a God fearing man who would win your heart and lead you to the throne. Instead, you somehow enjoyed this little game of needing these boys to need you- all for the wrong reasons. This is a path of destruction and God has more for you than this. So, this is when I step in and tell you- wipe your tears away, suck it up, and get back in there. This time, don’t be deceived by boys pretending to be men. You will know a man of God, not by his words but by his fruit and the words spoken of him by those in his life. God, your Father, has so much more in store for you than what you think you deserve. Allow Him to lead you there.

These people who are called your “family” by the world’s definition of family do NOT define who you will become. You have a huge calling on your life. To be something far greater than anything that you’ve ever been told you’ll become- you are a daughter of the one true God. You will carry his name to many other misinformed girls just like yourself. Make sure to never forget where you’ve come from, share it without shame- God is using it to transform others. To give them hope that they too, have hope in a much greater calling on their lives. That Jesus is so much sweeter than any earthly kind of love. That his blood puts all of that hurt you’ve been through into perspective- it’s ultimately not about you. Never ever forget the God you serve, and why you have the story that you do. It’s about the goodness of a savior who will always come through for his children, in his perfect time. 

I know there are still many more years of hurt and pain ahead of you, and believe me, it sucks. Your tender little heart can’t always handle it- but please please don’t let the bitterness take away your compassion and love for others. Chin up. You are a fighter like no other person I know. And if I can give you any glimpse of hope at all, it’s this: it’s so sweet to be right here standing in the very place that the Lord has carried me to. A place of peace. A place of understanding. It doesn’t all make sense why things went the way they did, but what does make sense is how God is going to use it for our future. It’s for His name’s sake.

Always remember to reflect Christ in the best way you know how, it’s the only thing that gets you through some of the worst years of your life so far.

Praying always, little one.

“Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.” As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips. The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” -Psalm 16

to the one who proved that you aren’t all the same.

February 14, 2012 in creative fiction, dating, jesus, lessons learned, my story with 12 Comments

It’s silly to me that the only words I want to say to you are “Thank you” because it is essentially me thanking you for your entire existence, something you are not necessarily responsible for. I want to thank you for your soul, your heart, your joy – the things which you did not create.

Truth be told, Bitter and Angst looked pretty good on me. I was really funny as an always-a-bridesmaid-never-a-bride kind of girl. The loneliness helped me create good music, good writing, and good art. Heartbreak gives way to so many words, and blank pages didn’t stand a chance against me. Yet I think I always knew, deep down, that you would show up somewhere.

But I followed in the footsteps of my foremothers, the scorned women who came before me, and I dismissed your entire gender. After what felt like the millionth break-up, I wrote one simple verse and then stopped writing for months:

“The first I lost to another love, the second is now a bust.
And every one after has proven still that none deserve my trust.”

And then I was done. I was done writing. I put the pen down and closed the journals. I was done listening to my heart because it had bad hearing, apparently. Every man was just a boy walking around in grown-up clothing, each with the same desire: to get in, get out, and get on with his life.

 

And then you bought me flowers.

And you waited three dates to kiss me.

And you complimented me with phrases like “life-giving” and “a treasure to be cherished” instead of objectifying comments about my physical appearance or capabilities.

And you have gently handed me your secrets and trusted me not to break the heart that comes with them.

I have been proven wrong. And I normally hate being proven wrong.

 

It’s not that I needed to believe in men again – I don’t think that’s the point. The point is that I believe in my own worth again. Your love has shown me my own worth.

I can’t help but giggle when I hear other people talking about love now. They have no clue what they are talking about and I really feel bad for them! There’s no way on earth anyone else feels what we do; it is perfect and imperfect, at the same time. I feel like we are the only ones to have ever been in love like this.

 

I love the way you love me because not only does it prove that not all men are evil, it also proves that good is all around.

I love the way you love me because it makes me feel brave, without abandoning my own sense of strength.

I love the way you love me because it makes me feel strong, without ever making me question my own resilience.

I love the way you love me because it shows me what love actually is, without dismissing my own ability to love.

I love the way you love me because it shows me how Jesus loves me, without distracting me from Him.

And now, once again, I have so much to write about…

 

Thank you for the chance to be proven wrong. I’ve never felt more alive.

 

Sincerely,

Me

anniversary: the [celebration] of an event.

November 1, 2011 in bible verses, jesus, lessons learned, my story, stories with 6 Comments

One year ago today I was wearing high heels, a nametag, and felt like I had drank a bucketful of butterflies as I started my first day at a new job in a new state in what felt like a new life.

Even today, I cannot believe I moved myself halfway across the country.

I didn’t know anyone in the great state of Texas before packing up my Nissan Sentra full of my entire life and settling down here. To be honest, I don’t know why I applied for this job. Don’t get me wrong, everything about it is a perfect fit for me. But there is no way I would have cognitively applied for a job in Texas. I hated Texas. I am a Californian to my bone and I never would have thought I’d live anywhere like here.

But I am here. And it was probably one of the best ideas I ever accidentally had.

Before I came here, I had one of the most tumultuous years I’d ever had. I spent the entire year working at a bar that I was overqualified to work at; I spent my days mopping up smashed olives and polishing wine glasses. And I spent my days applying for job after job that I was under-qualified for. I soon realized, there are a LOT of jobs I am under-qualified for. I reflected on the year in this very blog, one year ago. In fact, it was that post that catapulted this entire blog. I love looking back. Years have a crazy significance to me, and I don’t exactly know why. But I love being able to pause, and take stock, and see how much has happened and how much I’ve learned.

So, 2011. Wowzas. What a year! My first professional job in a field that I actually enjoy. I have had 365 days of challenge, frustration, guidance, learning, growing, and trusting. I’ve been to more meetings than I can count, written more student reports than I ever thought my little hand could write, and become a supervisor to more people than I probably should be responsible for. I’ve calmed students down from tear-streaked panic attacks, held a flashlight for police during drug tests, and  told more and more of my own story than I even knew was there. I have more than a dozen student leaders who I get the pleasure of supervising and I see myself in them more than they probably realize.

Most people get into this particular field because they want to make a difference; they want to bless the students. I entered into this job no different, but I can tell you that one year later I am the one who is blessed instead. They have made a difference in my life, and I am so grateful.

I love working in student life, I love the busy-ness. I love wearing jeans to work and baking cupcakes for staff meetings. I love drowning in college drama and living around people who average 3 hours of sleep a night. They keep me young and remind me to live in this moment, because we aren’t guaranteed any others.

I also started this journey as a single, bitter, giving-up-on-love kind of girl. I thought that by dating everyone in LA, I could intelligently decide that there was no one left who deserved my trust. I decided to focus on my career, because my career would never wake up in the morning and decide it didn’t love me anymore.

And now I’m in love. 365 days later, I can honestly say that I’ve found myself a good man. He is kind, he is patient, he is goofy, he is strong. He loves me in a way that makes me brave, in a way that makes me understand love. He puts up with my tears, listens to my dreams, and helps me process the crazy life I lead. He’s my best friend and the counterpart to my very existence. And he has blue eyes and dimples. Come on, God. You really one-upped Yourself. My super great boyfriend might not be fully aware of how incredible he is, but I plan on showing him for a very, very long time.

[Today]: 11/1/11

[Hebrews 11:1]: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for; certain of what we do not see.”

My hope in God is different now; I trust Him in a different way. It’s a hope without the jittery feeling in my stomach. You know what I’m talking about? Like when you hope your name is next at a restaurant, or when you hope that you got an A on a paper. This hope is different than that; it’s steady and strong. It is sure.

I recommend that all of you start over from scratch at least once in your life. Not because you’ll land the perfect job, not because you’ll finally get a boyfriend, not because the humidity is actually really good for your skin. Yes, those things happened to me. But that might not be your story. And you shouldn’t live your life in a way that is desperate to have some crazy interesting story; you should live your life so closely knit to the power of the story that is already true in you, that you cannot help but burst at the seams with excitement to be alive. You are the most fascinating thing in the world, and the depths of your experiences are wildly inspirational. Live your story.

Watch God take the gross and make it good. And watch the world spin madly on.