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being uncertain does not make you weak. [twenty truths]

July 21, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 1 Comment

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [14] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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Being uncertain does not make you weak.

 

 

It means you know the gravity of your decisions, and you have learned the result of making bad ones. Life, as you will realize, is a series of choices. Hundreds of opportunities approach us every single day and we are constantly making steps forward and backward, toward or away from who and where we want to be. It’s okay to feel the weight of this; we should be feeling it.

Too many twenty-somethings are still as frivolous as when they were 15, making jokes at other people’s expense, spending money like crazy, and choosing blue eye shadow. We know now that choosing a job or a credit card or a relationship might affect a big chunk of your life, and might have emotional repercussions. And usually the worst decisions are made because we feel pressured to just choose SOMETHING, so we choose the first thing that comes along. We are scared of the uncertain feeling, and it makes us feel like we aren’t doing something right.

Friends, be brave with your choices. Live in the questions for as long as you feel uncertain. Explore the corners of your heart that are scared, or worried. Let yourself feel the breadth of all of those emotions, so that when you finally make a choice you will step confidently, without fear. It may take you longer to choose than some of your friends, and that is okay. You are fully able to see the forest through the trees, and you know what it takes to make it out in one piece.

It’s not that you don’t know what it takes to be an adult; it’s that you do. Congratulations; you’ve arrived.

10. never worry about the number of followers you have. [twenty truths]

July 17, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 1 Comment

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [10] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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Last post, we talked about not worrying how cool your life looks to your followers.

Similarly, never ever ever worry about the number of followers you have.

 

I’ve heard it said that our credibility nowadays is based largely on the size of our following. So people are buying Twitter followers and “likes” on Facebook, and we are all incredibly concerned about our credibility, our image, our appearance.

But isn’t it all just a facade?

It feels never-ending. Who is ever completely satisfied, if we are always just trying to gain more people following, more people liking, more people watching? We are constantly looking outward instead of inward. We are finding identity and purpose in the number of people who are curious about our identity and purpose.

It should never matter how many people want to see what you’re writing or thinking or hash-tagging. You should be less concerned with how many people want to follow your every move, and more concerned that they are finding their true selves and learning how to fit into their space in the universe. The loneliest place to be sometimes is belly-up under 4,000 followers because you realize you are still completely alone.

And loneliness is almost always indicative of something else, and it constantly manifests itself in toxic behaviors. So we must stop looking outward, and start first with our insides. Address the issues of your heart first, with the people you have a tactile relationship with. The kind of relationship where you can make eye contact and tell one another that there’s broccoli in your teeth. Enjoy moments, deepen relationships, eat cold ice cream on a hot June day with a friend you haven’t talked to since awkward bangs and boy bands. Spend the money to fly across the country to feel ‘at home again’, and don’t worry about tweeting about it. It doesn’t matter how many people find you interesting; if you don’t find you interesting then there is still a lot of work to do.

8. just because your life isn’t cool on Instagram, doesn’t mean it isn’t cool. [twenty truths]

July 15, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 5 Comments

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [8] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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Just because your life isn’t cool on Instagram or Twitter, it does not mean that it isn’t cool.

There is a huge difference between living a full and adventurous life, and telling everyone about your full and adventurous life. Our twenty-something culture has given us some very creative mediums to tell everyone about our full and adventurous lives. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never claimed to be a ‘photog.’ I would never put it in my bio, I won’t ever offer to give someone high quality portraits, because that just isn’t my gift. But Instagram has this ability to make me feel like I am meeting the world’s deep need to see everything about my life.

Now, some people have an eye for photography and enough time in their day to take #nofilter pictures of their every move. They get tons of followers and double taps, and it makes their life seem so incredibly awesome because everyone can see how incredibly awesome it is. They make my portfolio look like a disposable camera’s product. In the perfect black & white picture, they have conquered my confidence in the visual portrayal of my own life. And I proceed to believe my life isn’t cool, because I didn’t use that filter on my martini picture, or get enough likes on the candid one of my puppy.

Or, the Twitter cool kids with their six-figure-amount-of-followers, who give the most hilarious synopsis of their day in 140 characters. I need to beat them, I need to be wittier than them, I need to hashtag like them. Or I need as many people to care about my thoughts as they have caring about theirs. I need everyone in the world to know my hilarious or thought-provoking or life-changing sentences. And when I don’t beat them, I proceed to believe my life isn’t cool.

But your life is not measured by likes or retweets or picture quality; your life is measured by breadth and depth and joy and love. I can’t tell you how many times I have admired a friend’s life from afar (and by ‘afar’, I mean ‘frequent drive-by’s on Facebook’) and then later found out that her marriage is actually at a really low place right now, or he got fired from his job, or those two have completely lost touch with their identity. We can make our lives look phenomenal — that’s the best-kept secret of 2012. We can play the part of anyone — and yet be completely empty in and of ourselves.

So put down your smartphone, and let it be. Stop caring about her endless list of comments, or the fact that he always eats at trendy cafes; focus on the people in your life who make up for all the pictures you can’t take fast enough. They deserve your attention more than any timeline does. And if you’ve chosen well, they likely base their friendship with you off things far more important than pictures and tweets.

6. your mind’s purpose. [twenty truths]

July 13, 2012 in 20-something troubles, comedic relief, lessons learned, my story, stories with 4 Comments

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [6] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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Your mind is meant for more than sleeping and reality television.

 

I am going to be honest: this is really hard for me to write.

One of my favorite ways to relax is to put in a movie and fall asleep on my LoveSac in the middle of the afternoon. And as much as I make fun of reality television shows, I am currently knee-deep in my sixth consecutive season of The Bachelor/Bachelorette (and maybe I cried when Sean left. What was she THINKING.).

But here’s the thing.

A recent study showed that for every hour of TV that you watch, you shave 22 minutes off your life. The average American spends 2.8 hours per day watching TV. That’s a lot of minutes being shaved off my life. That’s a lot of wasted brain space.

We get addicted to the latest and greatest being done by everyone on TV — reality shows or otherwise. We are caught up in everyone else’s story that I’m scared we’re missing out on our own. I’m scared I’m missing out on my own story.

We are smart, capable creatures. We have been given the ability to think, speak, dance, share, and give. There is art to be created, books to be written, countries to explore. We have lived long enough to know that we can be and do and see more if we think hard and stick with it.

Success should not be measured by anything more than the difference you are making in your world as you find that which makes you come alive. Spending endless weekends wrapped up in what the Kardashians are doing is fabulous – if you are a Kardashian. Be interested in your own reality TV show – make it interesting.

4. the timeline of your life. [twenty truths]

July 11, 2012 in 20-something troubles, comedic relief, lessons learned, my story, stories with 6 Comments

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [4] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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The timeline of your life will be starkly different than that of your parents.

My mom was 21 when she got married, three weeks away from turning 22. Three weeks before I turned 22, I was sitting on my bed watching Netflix TV shows back to back, taking a break only to make another batch of Ramen noodles. I lived in a tiny house with 3 other girls, and my bed was a $50 mattress on the floor of my room. I was so far beyond not-ready-for-marriage, my only context of relationships was in the FRIENDS re-runs i used as background noise for my endless crafting projects.

I have already had more jobs in 5 years than my dad has had in thirty. I can’t exactly sit still, and I can’t stop living my life in semesters, though I graduated college more than 3 years ago. I’m still learning what I want to be when I grow up, and I don’t exactly see an answer to that one quite yet. I’m a doer, a mover, a shaker. My energy level is always ridiculous, and I usually have four different careers planned out before lunch.

I was born when my mom was my current age. The idea of shoving seven pounds through my ladylands makes me want to hurl, and the thought of being entrusted with a child is just plain silly. I can barely manage to feed myself, let alone train A PERSON on how to live in the world.

My parents owned their first home when I (their firstborn) was still an infant. I currently live in a college dorm, and I only know a fraction about home-owning. And yes, it’s all thanks to shows on HGTV.

Women were just barely scratching the surface by the time my parents graduated high school. Expectations were just barely beginning to change for women, and so many hundreds of females were fighting for my current-day freedoms and opportunities. I have options today that our foremothers did not. There’s still a lot of progress to be seen, but man alive — we have come a long way.

 

My point: times have changed, and that’s okay. There are different expectations, and that’s okay. Your life is different than your parent’s, and that’s okay. It’s crucial to stop comparing yourself to the generation before you. (They didn’t even have Netflix or cell phones or Facebook. Clearly we’re better off.) If your relationship with your parents involves them constantly pushing their expectations onto you, gently sit them down and tell them you are making choices that are the best for YOU, not for THEM. They’re adults; they can handle a good heart-to-heart. Or if they freely support whatever it is that you choose to do, write them a thank you note for being so stinkin’ awesome.

Live according to your passions and truths. Sure, your parents made you, raised you, etc. But that doesn’t always mean they truly know you. Best advice: let them get to know you. Show them your passions and truths. Chances are, they’ll be just as stoked as you are.

2. embrace the in-between feeling. [twenty truths]

July 9, 2012 in 20-something troubles, lessons learned, stories with 2 Comments

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [2] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned so far? <3 <3 <3

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That “in between” feeling you have? It means you want something out of life. One day you will miss the time when you actually wanted something out of life.

 

There is wandering and there is floundering. There is taking a longer time to grow up, and choosing to stay a child. There is making sacrifices in order to achieve a dream, and there is settling for less than you thought you wanted.

There’s a smoothie and there’s juice.

A smoothie is juice + pulp and rind and skin. A smoothie contains things that are nourishing, but it is crowded with things that have no nutritional value. You get so filled with the extra stuff, that you miss out on the things that actually matter.

Juice is juice + nothing. Juice is the raw, pure, unadulterated nutritional goodness that your body needs to feel alive. There’s no extra weight in there; it’s 100% truth.

There is a vast difference between all of these things. And in that difference, in that in-between, lies a zest and zeal to squeeze all the value out of life, throwing away the pulp. You were designed to feel this awkward because it drives you to find life.

So, embrace the awkward. Keep tapping into you thirst for more, for different, for better. Drink the entirety of life, and don’t allow anything (or anyone!) to crowd the space you have designated for enjoyment. Don’t miss out the nutrition because of all the extra.

first love. [what a girl needs to hear]

April 17, 2012 in dating, jesus, stories with 4 Comments

this is a sweet, sweet post by a lovely girl named Jessica who I had the pleasure of watching grow up. I hardly edited a word, because the innocence and honesty are crucial…and we could all learn from them. <3
[about the author] My name is Jessica. I was born in New Iberia, Louisiana. I have lived in three different states (Louisiana, Colorado, and Florida), each place God has used to mold me. God has been with me through so many things, I do not know who I would be without Him… It’s a life I can’t even picture. I am a senior at Louisiana State University (graduate in December! woot woot!), studying to be an Elementary school teacher. I can’t wait to have my own classroom. I’m not sure where I will teach yet, but can’t wait for whatever adventure God has in store for me.

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I grew up in a church home. I know that’s a line many of us have heard. My story’s most likely the same as many peoples’ in this world. While I am not proud of all the decisions I have made, I know that God allowed me to go through certain things so I could realize Him and His grace more fully now.

I was born in a  little town in Louisiana. When I was seven my family moved to Colorado. All my life I remember my dad telling me that I was a Princess; an heiress to the Kingdom of God. Someone with power only through Christ. My dad was a pastor and never let a day go by where he did not share these things with me. To this day I still wonder how, with this love and the love God showed me through life, I could have made some of the decisions I made. Thankfully God is amazing and I will never understand His love and forgiveness.
My middle school years were a foundation building time. I had an amazing group of girls that God blessed me with. We would pray together, seek God together, go to school and live life together. I was firm in my beliefs, I knew my worth, I was strong… or so I thought. God threw a curve ball, like He often does. I should have been used to moving by now, meeting new people and becoming accustomed to things (by now I had already been to seven different schools) but what came the summer before my ninth grade year I was not entirely prepared for. I was settled in my life, and suddenly coming home to a “For Sale” sign in the yard. This time, we were moving to South Florida. A new state, a new school, and a new journey.
High school years are hard for everyone. I of course experienced a culture shock. This area of the world was much different then the places I had lived. And I’m not just talking about the palm trees. There’s always that awkward first day of school. I was a Freshman, walking in two weeks after school had started. I walked in with jeans, a t-shirt, a backpack and sneakers (apparently this was not a cool way to dress.. first thing to go was the backpack). I began making a few friends, however none were the same as my group back in Colorado. I had grown accustomed to sharing everything about God with my friends back then; however soon found out that not everyone wants to talk about those things. I lost many friends because of my openness. As the years in high school went on I wanted more and more to fit in. I found a group of people that would accept me, the only thing was that they slowly began to make it easier for me to make the wrong decisions.
This was the beginning of a slow drift. While I wasn’t a “party girl”, I often ended up in that atmosphere, pretending to like the things going on around me (and toward the end convincing myself it was all pleasurable). I had my first boyfriend when I was 17, he did not love Jesus. God told me to break up with him, and I did eventually; however that attention seemed so nice at the time that I began turning to other guys for it. I would find myself at a party, with a boy flirting, thinking he doesn’t want anything more, and of course a majority of them did. Time and time again I was left broken, wondering what I was doing wrong, why all of these boys seemed to only want me for certain things, and not realizing God was in the background calling me to turn back to my first love. 
Finally, I could take no more. I had been through the same thing over and over with this life. I would go where my “friends” were. Somehow a guy would start talking to me, soon I would find myself physically involved with him, telling him all the while that I couldn’t actually do anything because I was saving myself for marriage and yet getting as close to anything as I could. He would say “I really respect that” and then try to push my limits. I kept saying they aren’t all like that. But what I had forgotten was the one thing that I needed.
That attention I was getting was entirely fleeting. God, my first love, my amazing best friend, was constantly putting songs in my head (literally, in the middle of a party I would hear worship songs, like God was calling to me in the midst of it all), trying to make me come back to Him. I had forgotten the words that my dad used to tell me. “You are a Princess, an Heiress to God’s Kingdom, and you deserve a man that will treat you that way”. I had replaced it for a cheaper version of what God wanted for me just to get the attention I craved. I applied to LSU to get away from the atmosphere, I felt God calling me out of it. When I came here God brought me to a group of men and women who fiercely loved the Lord. They accepted me in all my brokenness and reminded me constantly the way men and women were meant to treat each other. The world has a much different way of looking at relationships (friends, between a man and woman, sons and daughters… every relationship). I had been caught up in it, but God was reminding me of the world He had in mind for us.
One of the biggest reminders was because of swing dancing. I know weird right? We would have random nights where all of us would get together and swing dance. It was amazing. None of the guys in that room wanted to do anything but twist me around in circles, and teach me knew dance moves! God reminded me of the purity He had given me (my purity is not my own). He is the one that, even though I’m torn… dirty… broken… wants to twist me around in circles. He wants me to come back into His arms and remember the romance He has with me. There’s a moment, when you have to trust your dance partner. When you trust that if they bring you in for a dip they won’t drop you. God used those moments to remind me that He would not drop me, and if I only trusted Him in this dance, I would have the most amazing time of my life.
For a while it was hard to grasp. Why would God, knowing full well the decisions I had made.. even after I was His child, be calling to me again? How could he forgive me when I had slowly given away things that He asked me to guard (mainly my heart). Why would He want me again? I struggled with forgiving myself, with realizing that I had made mistakes and just moving on. It seemed easier to forgive everyone else, but I was unforgivable. I was told by a friend that I was being prideful. How could I tell God that I was unforgivable. He died on the cross! Who was I to say where His power ended. One thing was certain, He still wanted me, wants me, for some unknown reason. I began praying and am still praying earnestly for focus. Those years I spent trying to fit in cost me years of getting closer to Him. But it’s because of those years I am who I am, and I can write this story right now. God does things for His glory, He raises us up, tells us to leave the burial clothes behind, and gives us new clothes. The only purity I have is His, the only love I have is His, the only joy and all my strength comes from Him. When I live for Him, when I make decisions based on pleasing Him, my life is full. My past does not matter because He says it does not.
I want to encourage anyone who seems stuck in trying to please people. It’s still a struggle for me, just in different ways. God says we are not here to please men, but to please Him. High school can be tough, but stay strong because even if it seems weird to others to be bold for Christ, believe me the alternative is not as pleasing as it sounds. I let the world take away my boldness, and I am still working with God to have that strength again. The fearlessness I had at the beginning of high school to share the Word was gone for a while, and only because God has such an amazing love can I begin to share it again. He wants a full life for all of His children. I now have a boyfriend who respects me. He respects me in every aspect. He loves Jesus and pushes me to search for Him. The relationships I had with guys before can’t even compare to one where God is the centerpiece. Pleasing yourself can leave you empty and alone, but God is here to remind you that He has set you free from pleasing yourself and others. My boyfriend and I are now constantly praying for God’s will in ours and each others lives. It is a blessing to know that there are Godly men out there. Don’t be discouraged, there are so many out there. Don’t settle for something or someone because it’s there and you haven’t experienced it yet. If you ever feel lonely remember that God is your first love and He wants to know you so deeply. If I would have continued to have my focus on Him during those hard times I can only imagine where my life would be right now. I realized after 2 and a half years that I wanted my focus on Him.
Find a group of girls that you can live life with. Don’t let them go, continually pray and seek God with them (or if you’re a guy I would encourage you to find a group of guys). Continually read scripture (not just because you should but because God can say so much through it). Ask for wisdom when sharing your faith with others. Don’t just give it away, ask God to make clear opportunities where He can shine through you. Guard your heart, but don’t be afraid to love. Try to remind yourself the type of attention that is good and what is fleeting. The feeling of a boy telling you you’re pretty only lasts a couple hours, but the feeling of God telling you how much He cares for you and others makes a lasting impression. Don’t be afraid to fail, if you fail don’t be scared to call on God to help you. Don’t beat yourself up for past mistakes. Look at them, pray God gives you the strength to overcome them, forgive yourself, and refocus. It takes time, but it’s worth it. And always remember, there are other people who have most likely been through something close to what you are going through. Remember God gave us our brother’s and sister’s in Christ so that we can not only share the fun things in life, but so that we can help each other out of mud. Don’t try to get over it by yourself, God gave us community for a reason.

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