Tag Archive - friendship

being uncertain does not make you weak. [twenty truths]

July 21, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 1 Comment

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [14] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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Being uncertain does not make you weak.

 

 

It means you know the gravity of your decisions, and you have learned the result of making bad ones. Life, as you will realize, is a series of choices. Hundreds of opportunities approach us every single day and we are constantly making steps forward and backward, toward or away from who and where we want to be. It’s okay to feel the weight of this; we should be feeling it.

Too many twenty-somethings are still as frivolous as when they were 15, making jokes at other people’s expense, spending money like crazy, and choosing blue eye shadow. We know now that choosing a job or a credit card or a relationship might affect a big chunk of your life, and might have emotional repercussions. And usually the worst decisions are made because we feel pressured to just choose SOMETHING, so we choose the first thing that comes along. We are scared of the uncertain feeling, and it makes us feel like we aren’t doing something right.

Friends, be brave with your choices. Live in the questions for as long as you feel uncertain. Explore the corners of your heart that are scared, or worried. Let yourself feel the breadth of all of those emotions, so that when you finally make a choice you will step confidently, without fear. It may take you longer to choose than some of your friends, and that is okay. You are fully able to see the forest through the trees, and you know what it takes to make it out in one piece.

It’s not that you don’t know what it takes to be an adult; it’s that you do. Congratulations; you’ve arrived.

10. never worry about the number of followers you have. [twenty truths]

July 17, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 1 Comment

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [10] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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Last post, we talked about not worrying how cool your life looks to your followers.

Similarly, never ever ever worry about the number of followers you have.

 

I’ve heard it said that our credibility nowadays is based largely on the size of our following. So people are buying Twitter followers and “likes” on Facebook, and we are all incredibly concerned about our credibility, our image, our appearance.

But isn’t it all just a facade?

It feels never-ending. Who is ever completely satisfied, if we are always just trying to gain more people following, more people liking, more people watching? We are constantly looking outward instead of inward. We are finding identity and purpose in the number of people who are curious about our identity and purpose.

It should never matter how many people want to see what you’re writing or thinking or hash-tagging. You should be less concerned with how many people want to follow your every move, and more concerned that they are finding their true selves and learning how to fit into their space in the universe. The loneliest place to be sometimes is belly-up under 4,000 followers because you realize you are still completely alone.

And loneliness is almost always indicative of something else, and it constantly manifests itself in toxic behaviors. So we must stop looking outward, and start first with our insides. Address the issues of your heart first, with the people you have a tactile relationship with. The kind of relationship where you can make eye contact and tell one another that there’s broccoli in your teeth. Enjoy moments, deepen relationships, eat cold ice cream on a hot June day with a friend you haven’t talked to since awkward bangs and boy bands. Spend the money to fly across the country to feel ‘at home again’, and don’t worry about tweeting about it. It doesn’t matter how many people find you interesting; if you don’t find you interesting then there is still a lot of work to do.

4. the timeline of your life. [twenty truths]

July 11, 2012 in 20-something troubles, comedic relief, lessons learned, my story, stories with 6 Comments

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [4] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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The timeline of your life will be starkly different than that of your parents.

My mom was 21 when she got married, three weeks away from turning 22. Three weeks before I turned 22, I was sitting on my bed watching Netflix TV shows back to back, taking a break only to make another batch of Ramen noodles. I lived in a tiny house with 3 other girls, and my bed was a $50 mattress on the floor of my room. I was so far beyond not-ready-for-marriage, my only context of relationships was in the FRIENDS re-runs i used as background noise for my endless crafting projects.

I have already had more jobs in 5 years than my dad has had in thirty. I can’t exactly sit still, and I can’t stop living my life in semesters, though I graduated college more than 3 years ago. I’m still learning what I want to be when I grow up, and I don’t exactly see an answer to that one quite yet. I’m a doer, a mover, a shaker. My energy level is always ridiculous, and I usually have four different careers planned out before lunch.

I was born when my mom was my current age. The idea of shoving seven pounds through my ladylands makes me want to hurl, and the thought of being entrusted with a child is just plain silly. I can barely manage to feed myself, let alone train A PERSON on how to live in the world.

My parents owned their first home when I (their firstborn) was still an infant. I currently live in a college dorm, and I only know a fraction about home-owning. And yes, it’s all thanks to shows on HGTV.

Women were just barely scratching the surface by the time my parents graduated high school. Expectations were just barely beginning to change for women, and so many hundreds of females were fighting for my current-day freedoms and opportunities. I have options today that our foremothers did not. There’s still a lot of progress to be seen, but man alive — we have come a long way.

 

My point: times have changed, and that’s okay. There are different expectations, and that’s okay. Your life is different than your parent’s, and that’s okay. It’s crucial to stop comparing yourself to the generation before you. (They didn’t even have Netflix or cell phones or Facebook. Clearly we’re better off.) If your relationship with your parents involves them constantly pushing their expectations onto you, gently sit them down and tell them you are making choices that are the best for YOU, not for THEM. They’re adults; they can handle a good heart-to-heart. Or if they freely support whatever it is that you choose to do, write them a thank you note for being so stinkin’ awesome.

Live according to your passions and truths. Sure, your parents made you, raised you, etc. But that doesn’t always mean they truly know you. Best advice: let them get to know you. Show them your passions and truths. Chances are, they’ll be just as stoked as you are.

you’re my [person.]

February 13, 2011 in lessons learned, my story with 0 Comments

 

there is a certain tv show that i find myself addicted to. grey’s anatomy. before you judge me, please hear me out.

it’s not only because of the witty one-liners or the impossibly attractive actors that i find myself glued to my tv every thursday night. it is because sometimes i feel that the writers of this show read my diary and then created a show just for me. for whatever reason, the monologues and the anecdotes keep me somewhat reflective on my own personal life. and meredith grey is just so simplistically wise, it’s painful.

she has a friend, named cristina. cristina is abrasive, competitive, and for all intents and purposes, void of all emotion. she is sarcastic and dry, and really has no regard for anyone but herself. but she and meredith develop this kinship built on trust and similar “issues”. they both go through similar ups and downs, and they both have their own set of “dark and twisty” that affect their day to day decisions. they draw upon each other’s wisdom and advice, and they are not afraid to call each other out on their crap.

there is an episode where cristina finds herself in a bit of a medical emergency. in her medical form, she has to write down and emergency contact. she puts down meredith’s name, and tells her a simple phrase that i have adopted into my vocabulary, “you’re my person.”

i think everyone needs a “person.” a heart-friend. everyone needs someone with whom they can be their complete selves, in whatever form or fashion each day may make them. everyone needs someone who will call them out on their crap, and offer them a shoulder when it’s just too hard to talk anymore. everyone needs a person.

jamie. jamie and i became fast friends. when i think chronologically, it’s really only been 3 1/2 years, but i feel like i’ve known her my entire life. jamie is my person. jamie is my heart-friend. we built a kinship based on trust, laughter, and truth. she is the only person in my life i can be 100% honest with, no matter what stupid disarray i got myself into this time. we are literally in constant communication every. single. day. this is thanks to our handy dandy blackberries, which gives us two things: 1) an incredible insight into each others’ lives, and 2) strange looks from our boyfriends. we tell each other truth bombs, we laugh at the little things, we are sensitive to each other’s “issues”, we keep each other’s secrets, we talk in code. she is my person. she is a friend, a sister, a soul-mate to my weary heart, and i am so blessed by our relationship. and i not only love her because of our relationship, but i love her simply because of who she is. she is ten thousand different things, including — but not limited to:

- she loves everyone. kindness literally seeps from her pores.
- she has an amazing laugh — gusto, enthusiasm, hardy.
- she can text like nobody i know. except me, which is perrrrfect.
- she does her smileys like :] and i can picture her making that face.
- she laughs at my jokes.
- she’s the funniest person everrrr.
- she is understanding and meets everyone where they’re at in life, based on no preconceived notions.
- she is team rachel. always.
- she picks out outfits for me to wear, even though she’s 1,000 miles away.
- she texts me to tell me to get on facebook chat.
- she remembers details.
- she loves to read! we are book nerds for life.
- she is an excellent creep and a perfect detective partner.
- she always exemplifies Christ’s LOVE and FAITHFULNESS in her loyalty to me as a friend.

love you jamers. can’t wait to spend our entire lives being essys.

my life is recently displaced. new opportunities moved me far away from people i love, including miss jamie. i fought loneliness at first, dying to meet someone who i could relate to. i find that my soul is best when it is welcomed by another; my life makes so much more sense when i find a friend with whom i can be myself. i miss jamie because she makes my life make sense. and while we still keep in touch every single day, Jesus knew i needed someone to be in my new life. not to fill a gap or replace anyone, but to add to the abundant group of friends i have been blessed with.

christy. christy is my texas heart-friend, whether she wants to be or not. if she knew the depths to which i am obsessed with her, she might run for the hills. but she has been a God-send, and so directly placed into my life. i chalk it up to the sovereign providence of the God who loves me. like a good shepherd, he knows his sheep. he knows i need heart-friends; the kind of people who know me and create a safe place for me to be myself. i have been utterly blessed by this little lady. do not let her 4’11″ stature fool you; she has a big, BIG heart. she loves Jesus and her eyes literally have a sparkle because of it. she is beautiful beyond compare, so compassionate, so kind, so giving, and so encouraging. she listens well, she laughs out loud, she wears sperry boat shoes every day and she loves to love her students, her cat, her hubby, and ME. she is creative and fun-loving, but welcomes the idea of a friday night spent in PJs, watching syndicated television shows. (my kinda woman!)

the most exciting thing about our friendship right now is branched off how close i already feel to her. there is a life inside her little tummy! in june, she and her husband will welcome a little girl. i can honestly say this is the first time that someone who i am close to is pregnant. and though i am not in the same stage of life, it blesses me so much to be a part of this journey with her. i love hearing her stories about the aches and pains, or the weird foods she eats. i fight tears as she scratches her little belly and dreams up baby names. and every time her baby makes even the tiniest movement, i rush my fingers to her stomach faster than you can blink. i am humbled by how she cares about the details of my life, and i am excited about learning hers. i love that she gets me, and i her. i could not have asked for a better cushion into this scary world people call “texas.” i love watching our friendship grow! she is a joyful spirit and her delight for life is contagious.

christy, thank you for being the personified reminder that friendship centered on Christ-like love is the biggest blessing in the world. i love us!

“at the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. it turns up when you don’t really expect it. it’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. the castle, well it may not be a castle. and it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after – just that it’s happy right now. see, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. and once in a while, people may even take your breath away.” – meredith grey
~meredith grey~

do a little [google.]

January 25, 2011 in lessons learned, my story with 0 Comments

 

 

 

 

 

 

does anyone else ever feel like google is the only friend in whom they can confide?

*phew* relieved to know i’m not the only one.

 

new goal: to be the kind of friend that google is. a place that welcomes raw, hard, feel-like-you’re-standing-there-naked kinds of questions. to my dear friends: whatever you need to ask, i will do my best to search for the answer for you. sometimes i’ll have a golden nugget to offer you that will bring you answers and direction. and sometimes i’ll give you the most obscure fake-answer you’ve ever heard of. but i will always welcome your questions. because that’s what good friends do; they create a greenhouse, a safe place for each other to grow in.

 

may we all be blessed enough to find friends with whom we can be completely ourselves; kindred spirits who call forth our best.