Tag Archive - fresh start

being uncertain does not make you weak. [twenty truths]

July 21, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 1 Comment

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [14] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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Being uncertain does not make you weak.

 

 

It means you know the gravity of your decisions, and you have learned the result of making bad ones. Life, as you will realize, is a series of choices. Hundreds of opportunities approach us every single day and we are constantly making steps forward and backward, toward or away from who and where we want to be. It’s okay to feel the weight of this; we should be feeling it.

Too many twenty-somethings are still as frivolous as when they were 15, making jokes at other people’s expense, spending money like crazy, and choosing blue eye shadow. We know now that choosing a job or a credit card or a relationship might affect a big chunk of your life, and might have emotional repercussions. And usually the worst decisions are made because we feel pressured to just choose SOMETHING, so we choose the first thing that comes along. We are scared of the uncertain feeling, and it makes us feel like we aren’t doing something right.

Friends, be brave with your choices. Live in the questions for as long as you feel uncertain. Explore the corners of your heart that are scared, or worried. Let yourself feel the breadth of all of those emotions, so that when you finally make a choice you will step confidently, without fear. It may take you longer to choose than some of your friends, and that is okay. You are fully able to see the forest through the trees, and you know what it takes to make it out in one piece.

It’s not that you don’t know what it takes to be an adult; it’s that you do. Congratulations; you’ve arrived.

10. never worry about the number of followers you have. [twenty truths]

July 17, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 1 Comment

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [10] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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Last post, we talked about not worrying how cool your life looks to your followers.

Similarly, never ever ever worry about the number of followers you have.

 

I’ve heard it said that our credibility nowadays is based largely on the size of our following. So people are buying Twitter followers and “likes” on Facebook, and we are all incredibly concerned about our credibility, our image, our appearance.

But isn’t it all just a facade?

It feels never-ending. Who is ever completely satisfied, if we are always just trying to gain more people following, more people liking, more people watching? We are constantly looking outward instead of inward. We are finding identity and purpose in the number of people who are curious about our identity and purpose.

It should never matter how many people want to see what you’re writing or thinking or hash-tagging. You should be less concerned with how many people want to follow your every move, and more concerned that they are finding their true selves and learning how to fit into their space in the universe. The loneliest place to be sometimes is belly-up under 4,000 followers because you realize you are still completely alone.

And loneliness is almost always indicative of something else, and it constantly manifests itself in toxic behaviors. So we must stop looking outward, and start first with our insides. Address the issues of your heart first, with the people you have a tactile relationship with. The kind of relationship where you can make eye contact and tell one another that there’s broccoli in your teeth. Enjoy moments, deepen relationships, eat cold ice cream on a hot June day with a friend you haven’t talked to since awkward bangs and boy bands. Spend the money to fly across the country to feel ‘at home again’, and don’t worry about tweeting about it. It doesn’t matter how many people find you interesting; if you don’t find you interesting then there is still a lot of work to do.

new: (adj.) of a kind [now] existing.

June 26, 2011 in jesus, lessons learned, my story with 0 Comments

promotion: (n)

1. advancement or rank in one’s position.
2. furtherance or encouragement.

mentor: (n)

1. a wise and trusted counselor or teacher.
2. an influential senior sponsor or supporter.

fear: (n)

1. distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
2. concern or anxiety; solicitude.

maple: (n)

1. any tree or shrub of the N temperate genus Acer, having winged seeds borne in pairs and lobed leaves.
2. the hard close-grained wood of any of those trees, used for furniture and flooring.
3. the flavor of the sap of the sugar maple.

 

i love words. i love putting them together and then rearranging them, only to find that the english language is filled with a thousand different ways to say the same thing.

i guess life is like that, too. there are a thousand different ways to do the same thing.

i have a new job. in the same place, at the same institution, but a new job. i’m not the only one with this job, this title, this task. there are a thousand different ways to do this same task.

 

task: (n)

1. a definite piece of work assigned to, falling to, or expected of a person.
2. a matter of considerable labor or difficulty.

 

there is a sense of refreshment that comes with newness. everyone is afforded it, everyone experiences it, but not everyone appreciates it.

with newness usually comes questions. at least if you’re me, it does. i think i was told for a majority of my youth to not ask questions. “because i said so” was a popular answer in my house, as i’m sure it was in houses all over. i think it is appropriate for parents to use, especially when teaching blind obedience. but i think we are allowed to ask questions. and beyond that, i think we should be encouraged to do so. one of my favorite quotes says: “be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer.” [rainer maria tilke]

- am i equipped?
- will this exhaust me?
- will i burn out?
- am i instinctive enough?
- am i old enough?
- am i ready?

i have learned that God can take my questions. sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesn’t. but he’s big enough to handle the biggest questions i’ve got. and he usually just smiles and nods, and whispers, “if only you knew, little one…if only you knew.”

my questions come from my awareness of my weaknesses.

my weaknesses make me no less fit for the gospel or the love of Jesus; they make me most certainly fit.

i am probably ill-equipped for this promotion. i have barely been at this current job, how am i possibly ready to move up? i am thrilled that i convinced my bosses that i am ready for “furtherance” and “advancement”, but it kind has my head tilted to the side. i am not ready to say goodbye to my current staff. i am not ready to train someone to do the position that i have barely spent 6 months doing. i am not ready to be wholly responsible. and i am most certainly not ready to move in the middle of a hot texas summer. but le rubber has to meet le road at one point or another. and i am ready for new. i am always going to be ready for new.

so i boast in my weakness, i boast in my insufficiencies. because i am clothed in a grace that covers all of those deficits. may my weakness be my only source of pride.