Tag Archive - 20 something

being uncertain does not make you weak. [twenty truths]

July 21, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 1 Comment

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [14] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

~~~

Being uncertain does not make you weak.

 

 

It means you know the gravity of your decisions, and you have learned the result of making bad ones. Life, as you will realize, is a series of choices. Hundreds of opportunities approach us every single day and we are constantly making steps forward and backward, toward or away from who and where we want to be. It’s okay to feel the weight of this; we should be feeling it.

Too many twenty-somethings are still as frivolous as when they were 15, making jokes at other people’s expense, spending money like crazy, and choosing blue eye shadow. We know now that choosing a job or a credit card or a relationship might affect a big chunk of your life, and might have emotional repercussions. And usually the worst decisions are made because we feel pressured to just choose SOMETHING, so we choose the first thing that comes along. We are scared of the uncertain feeling, and it makes us feel like we aren’t doing something right.

Friends, be brave with your choices. Live in the questions for as long as you feel uncertain. Explore the corners of your heart that are scared, or worried. Let yourself feel the breadth of all of those emotions, so that when you finally make a choice you will step confidently, without fear. It may take you longer to choose than some of your friends, and that is okay. You are fully able to see the forest through the trees, and you know what it takes to make it out in one piece.

It’s not that you don’t know what it takes to be an adult; it’s that you do. Congratulations; you’ve arrived.

10. never worry about the number of followers you have. [twenty truths]

July 17, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 1 Comment

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [10] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

~~~

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last post, we talked about not worrying how cool your life looks to your followers.

Similarly, never ever ever worry about the number of followers you have.

 

I’ve heard it said that our credibility nowadays is based largely on the size of our following. So people are buying Twitter followers and “likes” on Facebook, and we are all incredibly concerned about our credibility, our image, our appearance.

But isn’t it all just a facade?

It feels never-ending. Who is ever completely satisfied, if we are always just trying to gain more people following, more people liking, more people watching? We are constantly looking outward instead of inward. We are finding identity and purpose in the number of people who are curious about our identity and purpose.

It should never matter how many people want to see what you’re writing or thinking or hash-tagging. You should be less concerned with how many people want to follow your every move, and more concerned that they are finding their true selves and learning how to fit into their space in the universe. The loneliest place to be sometimes is belly-up under 4,000 followers because you realize you are still completely alone.

And loneliness is almost always indicative of something else, and it constantly manifests itself in toxic behaviors. So we must stop looking outward, and start first with our insides. Address the issues of your heart first, with the people you have a tactile relationship with. The kind of relationship where you can make eye contact and tell one another that there’s broccoli in your teeth. Enjoy moments, deepen relationships, eat cold ice cream on a hot June day with a friend you haven’t talked to since awkward bangs and boy bands. Spend the money to fly across the country to feel ‘at home again’, and don’t worry about tweeting about it. It doesn’t matter how many people find you interesting; if you don’t find you interesting then there is still a lot of work to do.

8. just because your life isn’t cool on Instagram, doesn’t mean it isn’t cool. [twenty truths]

July 15, 2012 in 20-something troubles, creative fiction, lessons learned, my story, stories with 5 Comments

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [8] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

~~~

Just because your life isn’t cool on Instagram or Twitter, it does not mean that it isn’t cool.

There is a huge difference between living a full and adventurous life, and telling everyone about your full and adventurous life. Our twenty-something culture has given us some very creative mediums to tell everyone about our full and adventurous lives. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never claimed to be a ‘photog.’ I would never put it in my bio, I won’t ever offer to give someone high quality portraits, because that just isn’t my gift. But Instagram has this ability to make me feel like I am meeting the world’s deep need to see everything about my life.

Now, some people have an eye for photography and enough time in their day to take #nofilter pictures of their every move. They get tons of followers and double taps, and it makes their life seem so incredibly awesome because everyone can see how incredibly awesome it is. They make my portfolio look like a disposable camera’s product. In the perfect black & white picture, they have conquered my confidence in the visual portrayal of my own life. And I proceed to believe my life isn’t cool, because I didn’t use that filter on my martini picture, or get enough likes on the candid one of my puppy.

Or, the Twitter cool kids with their six-figure-amount-of-followers, who give the most hilarious synopsis of their day in 140 characters. I need to beat them, I need to be wittier than them, I need to hashtag like them. Or I need as many people to care about my thoughts as they have caring about theirs. I need everyone in the world to know my hilarious or thought-provoking or life-changing sentences. And when I don’t beat them, I proceed to believe my life isn’t cool.

But your life is not measured by likes or retweets or picture quality; your life is measured by breadth and depth and joy and love. I can’t tell you how many times I have admired a friend’s life from afar (and by ‘afar’, I mean ‘frequent drive-by’s on Facebook’) and then later found out that her marriage is actually at a really low place right now, or he got fired from his job, or those two have completely lost touch with their identity. We can make our lives look phenomenal — that’s the best-kept secret of 2012. We can play the part of anyone — and yet be completely empty in and of ourselves.

So put down your smartphone, and let it be. Stop caring about her endless list of comments, or the fact that he always eats at trendy cafes; focus on the people in your life who make up for all the pictures you can’t take fast enough. They deserve your attention more than any timeline does. And if you’ve chosen well, they likely base their friendship with you off things far more important than pictures and tweets.

6. your mind’s purpose. [twenty truths]

July 13, 2012 in 20-something troubles, comedic relief, lessons learned, my story, stories with 4 Comments

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [6] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

~~~

 

Your mind is meant for more than sleeping and reality television.

 

I am going to be honest: this is really hard for me to write.

One of my favorite ways to relax is to put in a movie and fall asleep on my LoveSac in the middle of the afternoon. And as much as I make fun of reality television shows, I am currently knee-deep in my sixth consecutive season of The Bachelor/Bachelorette (and maybe I cried when Sean left. What was she THINKING.).

But here’s the thing.

A recent study showed that for every hour of TV that you watch, you shave 22 minutes off your life. The average American spends 2.8 hours per day watching TV. That’s a lot of minutes being shaved off my life. That’s a lot of wasted brain space.

We get addicted to the latest and greatest being done by everyone on TV — reality shows or otherwise. We are caught up in everyone else’s story that I’m scared we’re missing out on our own. I’m scared I’m missing out on my own story.

We are smart, capable creatures. We have been given the ability to think, speak, dance, share, and give. There is art to be created, books to be written, countries to explore. We have lived long enough to know that we can be and do and see more if we think hard and stick with it.

Success should not be measured by anything more than the difference you are making in your world as you find that which makes you come alive. Spending endless weekends wrapped up in what the Kardashians are doing is fabulous – if you are a Kardashian. Be interested in your own reality TV show – make it interesting.

4. the timeline of your life. [twenty truths]

July 11, 2012 in 20-something troubles, comedic relief, lessons learned, my story, stories with 6 Comments

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [4] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

~~~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The timeline of your life will be starkly different than that of your parents.

My mom was 21 when she got married, three weeks away from turning 22. Three weeks before I turned 22, I was sitting on my bed watching Netflix TV shows back to back, taking a break only to make another batch of Ramen noodles. I lived in a tiny house with 3 other girls, and my bed was a $50 mattress on the floor of my room. I was so far beyond not-ready-for-marriage, my only context of relationships was in the FRIENDS re-runs i used as background noise for my endless crafting projects.

I have already had more jobs in 5 years than my dad has had in thirty. I can’t exactly sit still, and I can’t stop living my life in semesters, though I graduated college more than 3 years ago. I’m still learning what I want to be when I grow up, and I don’t exactly see an answer to that one quite yet. I’m a doer, a mover, a shaker. My energy level is always ridiculous, and I usually have four different careers planned out before lunch.

I was born when my mom was my current age. The idea of shoving seven pounds through my ladylands makes me want to hurl, and the thought of being entrusted with a child is just plain silly. I can barely manage to feed myself, let alone train A PERSON on how to live in the world.

My parents owned their first home when I (their firstborn) was still an infant. I currently live in a college dorm, and I only know a fraction about home-owning. And yes, it’s all thanks to shows on HGTV.

Women were just barely scratching the surface by the time my parents graduated high school. Expectations were just barely beginning to change for women, and so many hundreds of females were fighting for my current-day freedoms and opportunities. I have options today that our foremothers did not. There’s still a lot of progress to be seen, but man alive — we have come a long way.

 

My point: times have changed, and that’s okay. There are different expectations, and that’s okay. Your life is different than your parent’s, and that’s okay. It’s crucial to stop comparing yourself to the generation before you. (They didn’t even have Netflix or cell phones or Facebook. Clearly we’re better off.) If your relationship with your parents involves them constantly pushing their expectations onto you, gently sit them down and tell them you are making choices that are the best for YOU, not for THEM. They’re adults; they can handle a good heart-to-heart. Or if they freely support whatever it is that you choose to do, write them a thank you note for being so stinkin’ awesome.

Live according to your passions and truths. Sure, your parents made you, raised you, etc. But that doesn’t always mean they truly know you. Best advice: let them get to know you. Show them your passions and truths. Chances are, they’ll be just as stoked as you are.

2. embrace the in-between feeling. [twenty truths]

July 9, 2012 in 20-something troubles, lessons learned, stories with 2 Comments

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [2] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned so far? <3 <3 <3

~~~

 

 

That “in between” feeling you have? It means you want something out of life. One day you will miss the time when you actually wanted something out of life.

 

There is wandering and there is floundering. There is taking a longer time to grow up, and choosing to stay a child. There is making sacrifices in order to achieve a dream, and there is settling for less than you thought you wanted.

There’s a smoothie and there’s juice.

A smoothie is juice + pulp and rind and skin. A smoothie contains things that are nourishing, but it is crowded with things that have no nutritional value. You get so filled with the extra stuff, that you miss out on the things that actually matter.

Juice is juice + nothing. Juice is the raw, pure, unadulterated nutritional goodness that your body needs to feel alive. There’s no extra weight in there; it’s 100% truth.

There is a vast difference between all of these things. And in that difference, in that in-between, lies a zest and zeal to squeeze all the value out of life, throwing away the pulp. You were designed to feel this awkward because it drives you to find life.

So, embrace the awkward. Keep tapping into you thirst for more, for different, for better. Drink the entirety of life, and don’t allow anything (or anyone!) to crowd the space you have designated for enjoyment. Don’t miss out the nutrition because of all the extra.

terms and conditions – indie ink parte dos.

August 11, 2011 in 20-something troubles, comedic relief, lessons learned, my story with 2 Comments

back again for some indie-ink writing challenge love. to join the fun, register here, and follow them @II_Challenge. this week, i was challenged by Kelly, who blogs here . and i challenged Stefan with “the top 5 scenarios that make you uncomfortable.”

happy reading!

my prompt was “Terms and Conditions May Apply”

…to a full-time job.

If you’re an average American, you grew up in a household where mom and dad (or stepmom and dad, or just mom, or grandparents, or legal guardians, or dad and dad, or any other non-traditional parental unit) dropped you off at school at 7:30am on their way to work and then came home shortly after 5:00pm. You got used to them coming home, feeding you, tutoring you, bathing you, fighting with you about bedtime – and then winning said fight – and then tucking you in. Arguably, the worst part of your day was between the hours of 8 and 5. Not only were you forced to be separated from your parents (who are still the coolest people on the planet), you have to spend the day exercising your brain in ways that sometimes make no sense at all. You’re spending eight hours getting bullied or learning fractions or being taught how to put spaces in between your words when you write. You spend 18 years in this manner; somewhere along the way it translates that all of this is adding up to someday when you will have a full-time job – a career into which you have already invested a lot of time, passion, and energy. You then spend four, six, eight, or more years studying at the undergraduate and/or graduate level, and you get a little more excited as you can taste this “someday” a little bit more distinctly. Promises of huge paychecks and purposeful work is the undertone of your 200-person lectures, and the commencement stage is like fire under your bare feet as you leap like a gazelle off into “someday.” You can’t wait to finally spend those crucial eight hours a day completing award-winning tasks and smiling like Buddy the Elf.

And then you get offered a full-time job from the first place you sent your resume that pays six figures and you live happily ever after, making money saving lives and taking names.

Oh wait. That didn’t happen to you? Yeah, me neither.

There are some terms and conditions to having a full-time job:

You might hate it.

Let’s be honest – you very well might currently think that the worst part of your day is still between the hours of 8 and 5. Sometimes, entry-level jobs are just another medium used to show you something you don’t like at all. After spending your college years scheduling your classes no earlier than noon and never ever never scheduling more than two classes back-to-back (more than 4 hours of sitting? #rookiemistake) it comes as quite a shock when someone requires you to be showered, fed, and energetic at the sharp hour of 8:00am. Not only that, they then require you to spend roughly eight straight hours sitting down in front of a computer. Albeit a paid requirement, it still sucks as you watch your ass slowly take on the shape of your office chair. It’s exhausting doing mundane work like that, and it’s impossible to do it once you lose passion for the work you’re doing. What started out as the perfect post-grad opportunity has now diminished your will to live. You begin to hate the sound of your alarm at 6:30am, and 2:30pm comes with a cement wall of exhaustion, bringing with it a headache and an inability to remember what it’s like to ever not be sitting in this office chair, in front of this computer. Drinks after 5:00 with your fellow 20-something coworkers who are also having quarter-life crises becomes therapy. You come straight home and watch reruns of Let’s Make a Deal and TLC specials until you crash into your bed. You really might hate having a full-time job because it is nothing like the dream that you were promised.

You might change your bedtime.

 

There were days when I thought going to bed before 2:00am was a sign of weakness. When you’re in college, your peak hours are between 10:00pm and dawn. This is when life happens – the studies, the parties, the getting-into-trouble-moments, the Define The Relationship talks – everything except sleeping. You learn how to function off four hours of sleep by overloading on caffeine and processed sugar.

Once you get a job that requires your attention shortly after sunrise, you change your sleeping habits. You slowly start to get tired earlier and earlier into the evening. The day you feel sleepy at 8:00pm, you start to lose your mind. After months of working in a full-time job, you might not even be able to recognize midnight if you saw it walking down the street.

You might form habits that will stick with you forever.

You will go from being able to splurge on $5 lattes every day on your way to class to being forced to make coffee in your crappy apartment that looks nothing like the already-furnished on-campus cottage you used to live in. You discover that maybe a spoonful of sugar and a drop of milk may not be the preferred flavor in your coffee, but it sure tastes a lot better than the over-priced creamer feels coming out of your bank statement every two weeks.

You will learn how to budget: When you work in a bar, you treat cash like Monopoly money because it’s just always in your wallet. When you want to go on vacation, you work doubles for a week and then you take five straight days off. When you get your paycheck, it gets spent like this: rent, beer, fast food, Starbucks, that new pair of shoes, beer, Red Bull energy drinks, fast food, happy hour, and DVDs from the $5 bin at Wal Mart. When you have a full-time job that pays a set salary, you learn that you get paid at the beginning of the month and that’s it (For you lucky kids out there, you might get paid again on the 15th, in which case I stick my tongue out at you. #privileged). Once the reality of this pay-period kicks in, you spend your money like this: rent, student loans, car payments, and boxes and boxes of Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese. You then set money aside that you cannot spend immediately, and use it towards gas for your car, groceries, and savings. If you run out of this money, you don’t get to buy energy drinks or ukuleles off of eBay just for the hell of it. You have some money, you spend it, and then you don’t have that money again until the 1st of the next month, which always takes forever to get here. You learn to wait for the 1st, to spend/save wisely, to cook chicken and eat it throughout the week instead of living your life through drive-thru windows.

You will learn how to cherish your weekends. It doesn’t make sense that Saturday is so far from Monday, but then Monday comes way too quickly after Friday. Sunday afternoons begin to leave a bitter aftertaste as they quickly go by. On a Tuesday, 5:00 never arrives; on a Sunday, it comes and goes like a Lindsay Lohan tabloid.

You might start to feel really old.

The ache in your bones on a Friday afternoon feels different every week, and the fact that you know about things like life insurance plans and which gas stations have better prices, begin to make you feel like a 50 year old trapped in a 24 year old’s body. I am told that this passes; that after a few years in the rut of wake up, work, watch Netflix, go to sleep, I will begin to feel a little more inspired and a lot less disappointed.

If you can deal with all of these things, then you also realize that having a full-time job isn’t horrible. It’s actually kind of fun. Yes, we all miss the days when we could make last minute decisions to go to a midnight showing of High School Musical 3.  But there is an end to every chapter in order to make way for a new one. The terms and conditions aren’t so bad after all.