people keep telling me that marriage is a lot of work. they say that the first year is by far the hardest, that the transition is, at times, unbearably painful, and that being married to someone else is going to leave me breathless, exhausted, and sometimes even questioning if i’ve made the right decision.
as you may expect, these precautions are leaving me with a healthy dose of fear and trembling.
it’s like they want me to be waiting for ‘the other shoe to drop’, like they will quietly giggle as they watch me live in anxiety, checking every corner to find brokenness in my marriage. they scorn my naivete and constantly tell me ‘oh just you wait’ and my paranoia grows and grows. and they strip the joy out of marriage, simply because theirs has been hard and i frankly don’t know any better. they tell me that simple love lasts only through the honeymoon and then it’s all over over over.
well, on that i call bullshit.
i am an incurable optimist; i tell my students this all the time. i believe in the good and i believe in change. and i’m as stubborn as they ever come — persuasive and persistent to no end. because i never want to not believe in the good.
of course i understand it will be difficult at times. LIFE is difficult at times. but the difference between healthy love and unhealthy love is this: healthy love is hard work + simple. unhealthy love is hard work + complicated.
and every day marriage is a choice.
and just because yours is hard, does not mean mine will be.
please do not speak such lies over my marriage, over my heart, over my life. your promise of my failure only looms like a storm that is unpredictable and scary.
and i am not scared.
i am sure.
and in 39 days [but who's counting?] i will be able to test out my own stubborn sure-ness, and i am not going to do it while waiting for my own failure to choke me. day by day, the air of freedom will fill my lungs.
i can hardly wait.