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4. the timeline of your life. [twenty truths]

July 11, 2012 in 20-something troubles, comedic relief, lessons learned, my story, stories with 6 Comments

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [4] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned? <3 <3 <3

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The timeline of your life will be starkly different than that of your parents.

My mom was 21 when she got married, three weeks away from turning 22. Three weeks before I turned 22, I was sitting on my bed watching Netflix TV shows back to back, taking a break only to make another batch of Ramen noodles. I lived in a tiny house with 3 other girls, and my bed was a $50 mattress on the floor of my room. I was so far beyond not-ready-for-marriage, my only context of relationships was in the FRIENDS re-runs i used as background noise for my endless crafting projects.

I have already had more jobs in 5 years than my dad has had in thirty. I can’t exactly sit still, and I can’t stop living my life in semesters, though I graduated college more than 3 years ago. I’m still learning what I want to be when I grow up, and I don’t exactly see an answer to that one quite yet. I’m a doer, a mover, a shaker. My energy level is always ridiculous, and I usually have four different careers planned out before lunch.

I was born when my mom was my current age. The idea of shoving seven pounds through my ladylands makes me want to hurl, and the thought of being entrusted with a child is just plain silly. I can barely manage to feed myself, let alone train A PERSON on how to live in the world.

My parents owned their first home when I (their firstborn) was still an infant. I currently live in a college dorm, and I only know a fraction about home-owning. And yes, it’s all thanks to shows on HGTV.

Women were just barely scratching the surface by the time my parents graduated high school. Expectations were just barely beginning to change for women, and so many hundreds of females were fighting for my current-day freedoms and opportunities. I have options today that our foremothers did not. There’s still a lot of progress to be seen, but man alive — we have come a long way.

 

My point: times have changed, and that’s okay. There are different expectations, and that’s okay. Your life is different than your parent’s, and that’s okay. It’s crucial to stop comparing yourself to the generation before you. (They didn’t even have Netflix or cell phones or Facebook. Clearly we’re better off.) If your relationship with your parents involves them constantly pushing their expectations onto you, gently sit them down and tell them you are making choices that are the best for YOU, not for THEM. They’re adults; they can handle a good heart-to-heart. Or if they freely support whatever it is that you choose to do, write them a thank you note for being so stinkin’ awesome.

Live according to your passions and truths. Sure, your parents made you, raised you, etc. But that doesn’t always mean they truly know you. Best advice: let them get to know you. Show them your passions and truths. Chances are, they’ll be just as stoked as you are.

2. embrace the in-between feeling. [twenty truths]

July 9, 2012 in 20-something troubles, lessons learned, stories with 2 Comments

Twenty-Something Truths For Twenty-Somethings 

truth number [2] today from the blog series hosted by myself and my dear friend Kristin! please join the conversation as we continue to unpack our twenties, and the truths we have found thus far. what have you learned so far? <3 <3 <3

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That “in between” feeling you have? It means you want something out of life. One day you will miss the time when you actually wanted something out of life.

 

There is wandering and there is floundering. There is taking a longer time to grow up, and choosing to stay a child. There is making sacrifices in order to achieve a dream, and there is settling for less than you thought you wanted.

There’s a smoothie and there’s juice.

A smoothie is juice + pulp and rind and skin. A smoothie contains things that are nourishing, but it is crowded with things that have no nutritional value. You get so filled with the extra stuff, that you miss out on the things that actually matter.

Juice is juice + nothing. Juice is the raw, pure, unadulterated nutritional goodness that your body needs to feel alive. There’s no extra weight in there; it’s 100% truth.

There is a vast difference between all of these things. And in that difference, in that in-between, lies a zest and zeal to squeeze all the value out of life, throwing away the pulp. You were designed to feel this awkward because it drives you to find life.

So, embrace the awkward. Keep tapping into you thirst for more, for different, for better. Drink the entirety of life, and don’t allow anything (or anyone!) to crowd the space you have designated for enjoyment. Don’t miss out the nutrition because of all the extra.

being [engaged].

June 3, 2012 in 20-something troubles, jesus, lessons learned with 3 Comments

in case you haven’t been on twitter, facebook, instagram, or in the same room as me for the last two months…I GOT ENGAGED. i have a super phenomenal hubby-to-be named Jared, a shiny thing on my finger, and dozens of magazine cut-outs and to-do lists sprinkled around my apartment. it’s a ridiculous mess.

and being engaged is all the things they say it will be. but it’s mainly a surreal whirlwind where you make more decisions than you ever have in your life…and that’s saying a lot coming from a type-a control freak like myself. i have chosen flowers and dresses and stationary designs and pictures and suspenders and napkin colors. i have picked buffet tables and open bars (!!) and twinkle lights and yellow shoes and times and dates and flights and hotels and…is anyone else out of breath?

and oh, i know. i’m not the first to ever plan her nuptials. i’m not a pioneer on DIY weddings, and i won’t be the last. i am just one more wanderer on this path they call Marriage, and i am not the only one who has watched the budget rise and the countdown lower. there are enough details to drown in, even though we established early on that we would not get caught up in planning The Day. we picked a few things to hold as important, and decided the rest would just fall into place. and for the most part, that’s happening. thanks to a phenomenal support group of moms, dads, best friends, and random strangers i meet on airplanes who give me earth-shaking marriage advice. (that only happened once. okay twice.)

anytime someone goes through a season of enlightenment, it is tempting to write a self-help post. like “8 things i’ve learned in 8 weeks of being engaged.” and believe me, i started to do just that. but what really matters is that you know the main thing i’ve learned: being engaged has taught me how important it is to be engaged.

i know, i know. but hear me out.

i have gotten caught up in the details. i have cried twice about the cost of our wedding. i have tried, as i often do with everything else, to over-prepare for my marriage. i have spent hours chiseling away at the corners of every piece of this puzzle, just so i can know that i am fully ready for That Day and the Happily Ever After. i have been so overcome with how to fit into the role of Jared’s Wife, that i’ve forgotten that he is choosing to marry Rachel As She Is. and i forgot how important it is to be present.

and it took our pre-marital counselor 5 minutes to diagnose my chronic fear.

and he said, “marriage is the only preparation for marriage.”

and a Yale student died before anyone thought she would — before any of her plans came to fruition.

and a sobering visit with a not-so-sober brother shook my core.

and the woman on the airplane made the most beautiful analogy about being engaged.

and i don’t know which one of these things brought me back from That Day into this very moment, but i put down my Bride To Do List and i’m painting my nails “peach daiquiri” and i’m making a thank you list while listening to Feist because those are things that make me feel alive and present. engaged.

and i don’t want to get wrapped up in the details anymore. and i don’t want to make any more decisions with a furrowed brow. i just wanna be here, today, As Is.

and isn’t that what it’s about, anyways?

me + love.

April 24, 2012 in 20-something troubles, bible verses, jesus, lessons learned with 6 Comments

love is kind of a big deal.

it’s the basis of all we are supposed to know and believe. it’s the lens through which we are to see the world, and it’s the foundational principal we all build our lives on. out of love we are born, and into love we must grow. Jesus was brutally honest about what love is, how to love, and what love looks like.

love is kind of a big deal. and lately i kind of suck at it.

 

i was impatient with someone last night. he asked me a question i thought everyone in the world knew the answer to, and i grew impatient in my response. i was agitated and heated. i was incredibly impatient.

but love is patient.

when i responded to him, i was sarcastic. i am but a small woman, and sometimes all i have are my words — and i can use them well. so i did. i drew my sarcastic fist like a weapon, and i punched straight to the heart. i saw in his eyes that he knew my weapon was meant for harm, not good. it was meant to be mean, not kind.

but love is kind.

i was jealous of someone last week. i was jealous down to my bones that they dare received the recognition i so rightly deserved. i went on to divulge my thoughts about how rightly i deserved that recognition. i described in detail all the ways i deserved it, and then plainly presented all the logical reasons for the misplaced recognition. and i was proud of the explanation i came up with, because even i was convinced that the root of my jealousy was not pride.

but love does not envy, it does not boast, and it is not proud.

it took me four sentences to get angry at her today. i can usually keep it  at bay for longer than that, but today she did not stand a chance. i slipped into the thoughts of all the ways i felt i deserve to be treated by her, and i got even more angry. and as my anger quickened, i remembered every pain she has caused, every fight she has been the center of, and every kind word she has never said to me. i tallied them up in my head and scorned her for each tick mark.

but love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

the truth is “blessed are the peacemakers.”
the truth is “turn the other cheek.”
the truth is “forgive as your Father forgave you.”
the truth is “pray for your enemy.”

evil says “karma is a bitch.”

but love does not rejoice in evil; it rejoices with the truth.

lately it has been hard for me to love. it has been a challenge to extend kindness and patience to people who don’t measure up in my book. it has been hard to forgive. it’s been a challenge to choose love.

i have failed at love lately.

 

but love? it never fails. 

the sweet spot [what a girl needs to hear]

April 14, 2012 in 20-something troubles, bible verses, jesus, lessons learned, stories with 3 Comments

[about the author] my name is Emily. I am a 24-yr-old graduate student from Atlanta. I’m getting my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy with specializations in Christian Sex Therapy and Addictions. While not reading one of the never-ending list of books to read I blog over at www.emilylorin.com [blog is down for a little while...come back soon!], I nanny, and I teach Zumba. I write about Christ, relationships, sex/culture, girl things, kids [not my own], love, and my cute pup, Henry [he's just an added bonus]. I love art, photography, great food, music, and baking, which are also sprinkled throughout my blog. I write to understand and to share what I’ve learned and am constantly learning about love and grace and life and beauty. Twitter is: @emlorin

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There is a kind of spot in life that I had never considered until now: the sweet spot.

What is the sweet spot?

It is a space, a feeling. It is a way of thinking. It is a belief. The space where you live out of love and not out of fear. Where you walk the tight rope between too much and too little. Where you live out loud and with passion.

Growing up Southern Baptist, in a small town, with plenty of rules to not break so I didn’t go straight to Hell, I have spent the majority of my life living out of fear.  Fear of going to Hell. Fear of disappointing God. Fear of being rejected. Fear of disappointing…anyone. (Do you know how hard it is to live life and not disappoint anyone? …It’s a pretty difficult situation.)

The problem with living out of fear is that you never get to truly live. You are never allowed to breath for fear of doing something wrong. And when that’s the place you live, you sacrifice living itself. You sacrifice loving. You sacrifice intimacy. Intimacy with others and with God.

No one ever told me I didn’t have to fear. No one told me I was safe and free.

“I will lie down and rest in peace, for you alone, Oh lord, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8

Don’t get me wrong there is puh-lenty to be scared of in this world.
Disease. Heartbreak. Abuse. Being robbed. Being abandoned. Getting into a car crash. Losing a loved one. Being mistreated by people you trust.

The point is not all the reasons we have to be fearful, but the one giant reason we are given to not be fearful: Jesus.

In light of Jesus, all other things are bearable. (I’m not saying it changes the inherent negative, painful, or otherwise, wrong nature of these things.)

This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God.

This is how we know we’re living steadily and deeply in him, and he in us: He’s given us life from his life, from his very own Spirit.
There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.
We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.

You are loved. You are so deeply loved and cared for that God – GOD, God of the universe, God who created air, water, God who painted the land with beauty, God who created you – He sent His Son, His own flesh, to die for you. He paid the price so that you could live free from fear.
Dear sister, you are so deeply cherished and adored. You are a jewel. You are a precious gem. You are freakin’ awesome.
The King “is enthralled by your beauty.” (Psalm 45:11)

And that gives you much freedom…for there is no fear in love.
You are free to live beyond the restraints imposed by others. You are free to be the girl, lady, woman you were created to be – the one you want to be. You were made for a purpose. A great purpose. Your life was created intentionally and not by accident. And it was made to be lived by You and directed by You.
You and Christ alone are to set the standards you live by. Not culture. Not your parents. Not your peers. Not that cute guy in class. Others’ opinions and words (although may cause real pain) are not the end-all sentence on your life.
You will disappoint others. You will hurt others. You will fall short of others expectations multiple times throughout your life. And that. is. okay.
Your life is not to be spent in earning others’ approval.
Your life has been paid for at a steep price.
You are worthy.

So please live within the freedom you’ve been granted. Don’t hide behind someone else’s lies.
Your inherent value can neither be upped nor degraded based on the actions you make. So live in the freedom of knowing you are loved. Live a life worthy of it. Don’t take second best because you’re afraid “best” won’t come along. Don’t sell yourself short. Take the risks. Be adventurous. Think outside the box.

Find the sweet spot where you claim your value, your beauty, your worth, your perfect imperfections, your imperfect perfections, and your life and live it boldly.
…because you have been made with sweet and good intent.  

beauty lessons. [what a girl needs to hear]

April 9, 2012 in bible verses, jesus, lessons learned, stories with 0 Comments

[about the author] Today’s post is by Elena Pellizzaris, writer, reader, teacher, lover of Jesus. She spends most of her days serving by teaching orphans in Liberia, West Africa. She works for Orphan Relief and Rescue (www.orphanreliefandrescue.org) and blogs at Stumbling In Grace. You can also find her on Facebook.

 

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I am 28 years old, and this year was the first in my entire life that someone called me beautiful.

When I heard those words, I literally wept. Those words were like water for my thirsty soul. For as far back as I can remember, classmates and culture and even people who were supposed to love me have been making me feel not enough.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you have spent years wondering what’s wrong with you, why you don’t measure up, why people treat you the way that they do.
Sweet girl, please hear me: you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God knew what He was doing when He created you, and He has made every single part of you well. You are a masterpiece, and your so-called flaws only add to your beauty. It was the delight of the Father to knit you together. You are enough, just as you are.

You are a beautiful soul with a beautiful story, and the world needs you because you make it a better place by just being alive. People and circumstances may try to dull your colors; they may try to smudge up the parts of you that were made to sparkle and shine. But nothing that the world throws at you is enough to cover up who you were created to be: a thoroughly beautiful woman created in the hands of a God who is head-over-heels-in-love with you.

And yes, I know that life can be hard sometimes; trust me, I have had my fair share of heartache and pain, of crying myself to sleep at night, of wondering how I was going to even make it out of bed in the morning. You are not alone, and no matter what dark days you are going through, there is beauty and light on the other side. I promise you.

I want you to do something. I want you to take a moment and look at yourself in the mirror. Don’t criticize. Don’t start pointing out everything about yourself that you wish were different. Just look for a moment. The exact shade of your eyes was selected by God, and your eyes, they are beautiful. The shape of your face, the color and texture of your hair: beautiful. The way your lips curve up when they smile, the laugh lines, the wrinkles, the freckles–they’re all beautiful. The curves of your body, the color of your skin: none of these are flaws. None of them are mistakes. They are what make you you; they are what make you unique. They make you beautiful.

Maybe, like me, no one has ever said those things to you before. If so, they may be hard for you to accept. But dear girl, they are true. Psalm 45:11 says that the King is enthralled by your beauty. That means that you, beautiful you, have completely captured His heart.

I don’t know how old you are, and I don’t know how many times you have heard this before. But I’m going to say it again, because it’s something that all of us women need to hear, need to remember, need to write down on the tablets of our hearts:

You are beautiful.

hindsight is bliss [what a girl needs to hear]

March 29, 2012 in dating, jesus, lessons learned with 2 Comments

today’s sweet post is a letter from Olivia. don’t we all wish we could read letters from our future selves at least once or twice? this is a precious, precious post. i hope it blesses you like it did me!  show Olivia some love. <3
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[about the author] Olivia Erickson is a highschool-college hybrid who has extreme passion for many things, including mentoring junior high girls and good coffee. She writes, tweets, and tells visual stories. Someday, she will travel the country in a vintage trailer with a pet hedgehog in tow, in an attempt to find untold stories – but for now, she’s just trying to stay warm and sane during long Minnesotan winters.
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Dear Little Liv,
You sat there with your feet dangling out your open window on a warm May night and you cried to yourself, wishing for a man to throw pebbles and sweep you off your feet. You were almost twelve. I wish that the one night could have been the only night you cried in your loneliness, but it wasn’t. There will be many more nights to come.
There will be nights of loneliness – of deep heart aches and longings for boys to notice you and for life just to hurry up so you can find a man. There will be nights of regret – of giving your heart slowly, over time to boys where you realize that things are suddenly complicated and you just lost a friend. There will be nights of deep pondering – of questioning intentions and feelings when you’re not sure if you like the attention or are terrified of it. There will be many tears, many racing thoughts, and many desperate prayers.
It sounds daunting, but there are also brilliant days ahead. There will be days of comfort – of realizing that the men in your life are a blessing. There will be days of confidence – of knowing that you did the right thing in a friendship with a boy and seeing the positive results. There will be days of laughter – of getting to be the little sister to the boys around and having their respect. There will be many brilliant days that will in time make up for the tearful nights.
At some point, you will sit with friends as they tell you with regret in their eyes their stories of boys that broke their hearts and you will be so glad that a relationship never formed with that boy that you were swooning over. At some point, you will hear shallow girls complain about how there are no good guys and you will be so thankful that you’ve been the type of girl that makes friend easily with really fantastic guys, even if that means not dating any of them. At some point, you will see not being allowed to date as the biggest blessing of your teen years.
It’s going to come. It’s going to be fulfilling. It’s going to blow you away. It’s going to be worth it. I promise you.
I have hindsight and what a marvelous thing it is! You wont be perfect and life wont be perfect. You are going to think that you are awful and just made the hugest mistake of your life, but in the end, you’re going to come out of junior high and the first three years of high school with very little boy baggage. There will be two amazing young men who will cause you to get angry because they will each accidentally steal a bit of your heart at the wrong time, but God heals that in the end and you’ll learn a plethora of lessons.
So hang in there. It’s only the beginning. Every single tear that you shed will be turned to gold and redeemed.
You will be strong. You will be loved. You will be satisfied.
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