Archive - June, 2012

using our [words.]

June 16, 2012 in 20-something troubles, bible verses, jesus with 2 Comments

i don’t think we understand the power of our words, and it truly grieves my soul.

[and fear not; the irony of this post is not lost on me.]

i entered the ‘blogosphere’ a couple years ago, and through that i have followed several people with rather large platforms, preaching their message over the mountain and through the woods. and honestly? it’s hard not to get discouraged by some of the things people actually have the guts to say. because i think we have soooo lost the point. i think we spend so much time preaching and arguing, hating and retweeting the hate, that we actually have lost touch with life’s purpose: to love freely and give fully. selflessly.

instead, we have criticism over everything everyone is doing, Christian or otherwise. no one can create anything anymore, because there are 300 people waiting to rejoice in their failures, and waiting to share opinions over how wrong they are. we aren’t sharing in one another’s burdens anymore; we are openly laughing at them.

we have women leaders leveraging their following to bash planned parenthood, an organization devoted to the health and care of women, using lies and manipulation. thousands will lose affordable healthcare — please note i said ‘healthcare’, not ‘abortion’; planned parenthood does more than that — if you continue to fight for their destruction.

we have pastors, publicly calling men and women of the LGBT community ‘less than human’, ‘despicable’, and an ‘abomination.’ until you know first hand what it’s like to feel 100% attracted to the same sex and 100% devoted to Jesus fully, you should probably keep your stones in your pocket.

we have mouthy Christians, expending all their time and energy on proving the ‘rightness’ or ‘wrongness’ of so many different issues i can’t keep them all straight. you are fighting the wrong battle, and trying to take down the wrong kingdom. legalizing or abolishing anything will not change anything.

we have pastors speaking over my life, telling me that the images in my husband’s head will never go away, and that sins of my past will forever be carved in the walls of my heart. how dare you put God in a box like that. last i checked, He makes all things new.

and we have women — countless women — speaking to our girls, telling them that the integrity of their character is measured by the length of their skirts, and to wear anything revealing is to be damning their brothers to sin. how dare you give a young girl the responsibility of anyone else’s sin but her own. and how dare you add to an already very loud world that says she is worth nothing more than what it looks like she is worth. it matters who you are, not who it looks like you are. if i tell someone about Jesus with my cleavage showing, does it still count?

 

people have become so hateful, so publicly hateful. arguments are everywhere, and they are unending. and i am just so sick of it already.

 

“I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one — I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” John 17:22-23

five [stupid] things that make me mad.

June 11, 2012 in stories with 6 Comments

we all need a little perspective sometimes. and for me, once i write out how dumb things in my brain are sometimes, i gain a little bit of perspective. so my dear friends, this prescriptive entry is not for you; it’s for me.

 

so, David Letterman style: (yes i know he normally has 10. i’m not THAT angry. my goodness, people.)

 

5. a luke-warm shower. so, i live in a building that, at capacity, can hold 680 people. in this building, we have suite-style bathrooms, one for every 4 people. so that’s roughly (and by ‘roughly’ i mean ‘hold on, i’m getting my calculator’) 170 showers. and when there are 680 little minions running around this building, causing mayhem and giving me grey hair, they clean off by using those 170 showers. which causes the hot water to run freely throughout the entire building. when they are gone (like right now, during summertime), the water goes from hot to not. it goes from ‘this feels so good i never want to leave’ to ‘i cannot even breathe deeply because the icy water will freeze my lungs.’ it goes from ‘i shower daily’ to ‘for emergency use only.’ perspective: i love me some hot showers. i really truly do. i could stay in there for an hour if the temperature is right. but the fact is: there are people — millions of people — all over the world who have never felt the stream of running water. even in America, there are people who cannot afford the bill that comes with their steamy shower, so they have to go without. so yes, my showers are cold-ish. but i am damn lucky to even have a faucet that turns on.

4. spending money. this one is super dumb. we live in a society that requires we spend money in order to live. there really isn’t any way to get around it. if you want food, ya gotta pay. if you wanna live somewhere, you gotta pay. and so on down the line. and yet, i cringe every time i swipe my debit card. not because i’m worried it’ll overdraft (okay sometimes yes.) but because i literally hate spending money. it makes me mad. i get mad that i don’t make more, or have less student loans, or blah blah. perspective:  there are people who would kill to have a paycheck to put into a checking account to spend with their debit card and cringe over. i am employed with a job i love completely. this was the Prayer Of 2009 — and it was answered. and i have a paycheck. and i have benefits. and i never go hungry or roofless. i have never been without money to spend, no matter how mad it makes me sometimes.

3. pandora commercials. okay i know, all you Spotify-ers, i’m like waaaaay behind the times. i use pandora when i am lazy and i don’t want to have to choose all my songs individually. that and i somehow can’t get spotify to work properly on my office computer. either way, when i am just coming off the high from “flowers in your hair” by the Lumineers, i do not want to hear about LA’s amazing deals on brand new mitsubishis or whatever. plus, I DON’T LIVE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA ANYMORE. quit rubbing it in. perspective: GTFOver it, rachel.

2. traffic. okay this doesn’t anger me as much as it baffles me. why is there traffic? no, really. why? if everyone would just keep going, shouldn’t it prevent the parking-lot-affect on the highway? i mean, is there some idiot in the front somewhere who’s slowing down everything for the rest of us? why don’t they just go the speed limit + 10mph like the rest of us? perspective: in my car, i am the best vocalist in the world. and my captivated audience (my steering wheel) is 100% mesmerized as i ballad my way through my iTunes playlist.

:: drumroll ::

1. So here it is, the number one stupid thing that makes me mad: when people don’t read my mind. sometimes, i think about something that you said that irritated me earlier. it may have been your tone, it may have been a loaded statement, it may have been that my orange juice was sour that morning. whatever the case, i think about it. and think and think and think. and i think of all the ways you could have said it better. so i dwell on how things could have gone if only you had said it differently. i script out all the ways i’m going to tell you so, too. and it’s like a snowball (except it’s hot and fiery because i am MAD) in my brain, and by the time we even get around to talking, your very breath makes me livid. “hey, how are you?” “OH, HOW AM I?! HOW CONVENIENT OF YOU TO ASK ME THAT.” and then: ‘splosion. i absolutely cannot believe you didn’t read my mind to know exactly how i have been feeling all flippin day. RUDE FEST 2012. perspective: here’s a word to the wiser-than-me’s out there: unspoken expectations go unmet every. single. time. similarly, unspoken feelings go unaddressed every time, without fail. if you are mad at someone, tell them. if your feelings have been hurt, let them know. if you are so wrapped up in feeling all of your feelings that you cannot tell which way is up, you might want to open your mouth and talk about it.

being [engaged].

June 3, 2012 in 20-something troubles, jesus, lessons learned with 3 Comments

in case you haven’t been on twitter, facebook, instagram, or in the same room as me for the last two months…I GOT ENGAGED. i have a super phenomenal hubby-to-be named Jared, a shiny thing on my finger, and dozens of magazine cut-outs and to-do lists sprinkled around my apartment. it’s a ridiculous mess.

and being engaged is all the things they say it will be. but it’s mainly a surreal whirlwind where you make more decisions than you ever have in your life…and that’s saying a lot coming from a type-a control freak like myself. i have chosen flowers and dresses and stationary designs and pictures and suspenders and napkin colors. i have picked buffet tables and open bars (!!) and twinkle lights and yellow shoes and times and dates and flights and hotels and…is anyone else out of breath?

and oh, i know. i’m not the first to ever plan her nuptials. i’m not a pioneer on DIY weddings, and i won’t be the last. i am just one more wanderer on this path they call Marriage, and i am not the only one who has watched the budget rise and the countdown lower. there are enough details to drown in, even though we established early on that we would not get caught up in planning The Day. we picked a few things to hold as important, and decided the rest would just fall into place. and for the most part, that’s happening. thanks to a phenomenal support group of moms, dads, best friends, and random strangers i meet on airplanes who give me earth-shaking marriage advice. (that only happened once. okay twice.)

anytime someone goes through a season of enlightenment, it is tempting to write a self-help post. like “8 things i’ve learned in 8 weeks of being engaged.” and believe me, i started to do just that. but what really matters is that you know the main thing i’ve learned: being engaged has taught me how important it is to be engaged.

i know, i know. but hear me out.

i have gotten caught up in the details. i have cried twice about the cost of our wedding. i have tried, as i often do with everything else, to over-prepare for my marriage. i have spent hours chiseling away at the corners of every piece of this puzzle, just so i can know that i am fully ready for That Day and the Happily Ever After. i have been so overcome with how to fit into the role of Jared’s Wife, that i’ve forgotten that he is choosing to marry Rachel As She Is. and i forgot how important it is to be present.

and it took our pre-marital counselor 5 minutes to diagnose my chronic fear.

and he said, “marriage is the only preparation for marriage.”

and a Yale student died before anyone thought she would — before any of her plans came to fruition.

and a sobering visit with a not-so-sober brother shook my core.

and the woman on the airplane made the most beautiful analogy about being engaged.

and i don’t know which one of these things brought me back from That Day into this very moment, but i put down my Bride To Do List and i’m painting my nails “peach daiquiri” and i’m making a thank you list while listening to Feist because those are things that make me feel alive and present. engaged.

and i don’t want to get wrapped up in the details anymore. and i don’t want to make any more decisions with a furrowed brow. i just wanna be here, today, As Is.

and isn’t that what it’s about, anyways?