promotion: (n)

1. advancement or rank in one’s position.
2. furtherance or encouragement.

mentor: (n)

1. a wise and trusted counselor or teacher.
2. an influential senior sponsor or supporter.

fear: (n)

1. distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
2. concern or anxiety; solicitude.

maple: (n)

1. any tree or shrub of the N temperate genus Acer, having winged seeds borne in pairs and lobed leaves.
2. the hard close-grained wood of any of those trees, used for furniture and flooring.
3. the flavor of the sap of the sugar maple.

i love words. i love putting them together and then rearranging them, only to find that the english language is filled with a thousand different ways to say the same thing.

i guess life is like that, too. there are a thousand different ways to do the same thing.

i have a new job. in the same place, at the same institution, but a new job. i’m not the only one with this job, this title, this task. there are a thousand different ways to do this same task.

task: (n)

1. a definite piece of work assigned to, falling to, or expected of a person.
2. a matter of considerable labor or difficulty.

there is a sense of refreshment that comes with newness. everyone is afforded it, everyone experiences it, but not everyone appreciates it.

with newness usually comes questions. at least if you’re me, it does. i think i was told for a majority of my youth to not ask questions. “because i said so” was a popular answer in my house, as i’m sure it was in houses all over. i think it is appropriate for parents to use, especially when teaching blind obedience. but i think we are allowed to ask questions. and beyond that, i think we should be encouraged to do so. one of my favorite quotes says: “be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer.” [rainer maria tilke]

- am i equipped?
- will this exhaust me?
- will i burn out?
- am i instinctive enough?
- am i old enough?
- am i ready?

i have learned that God can take my questions. sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesn’t. but he’s big enough to handle the biggest questions i’ve got. and he usually just smiles and nods, and whispers, “if only you knew, little one…if only you knew.”

my questions come from my awareness of my weaknesses.

my weaknesses make me no less fit for the gospel or the love of Jesus; they make me most certainly fit.

i am probably ill-equipped for this promotion. i have barely been at this current job, how am i possibly ready to move up? i am thrilled that i convinced my bosses that i am ready for “furtherance” and “advancement”, but it kind has my head tilted to the side. i am not ready to say goodbye to my current staff. i am not ready to train someone to do the position that i have barely spent 6 months doing. i am not ready to be wholly responsible. and i am most certainly not ready to move in the middle of a hot texas summer. but le rubber has to meet le road at one point or another. and i am ready for new. i am always going to be ready for new.

so i boast in my weakness, i boast in my insufficiencies. because i am clothed in a grace that covers all of those deficits. may my weakness be my only source of pride.